The Cottage
by Zosie
Summary: Edward left Bella to go to medical school but now he is back in Forks eight years on.  He left so she could have a happy life with Jacob Black, it's hardly his fault things didnt pan out that way so why is she so angry?  E
1. Chapter 1

**Working full time is seriously mucking with my brain and I know I have too many open stories but as I only get 10 minute breaks to write in, I can't handle any story where I have to think . This is just going to be short and hopefully sweet. I am getting maybe an hour a day total at most free to write and don't want to butcher Mrs Ed by writing it hurriedly in ten minute spurts so updates will be slow with it at the moment. This one is a no brainer. An exercise in fluff.**

The Cottage

Chapter One

Are You Making Me Wet?

Bella stared at the top of her mailbox and sighed. When this cottage was described as a fixer upper, they had not lied. If only Jake were here, he would have everything shipshape but divorce kind of means the husband no longer helps out, and technically she had left him so he was hardly going to find it in his heart to help make the place livable.

As Renee put it, 'you made your bed, Bella, now you get to sleep in it.' Sleep would be nice but between working, painting the interior, cleaning up the yard and establishing gardens so at least the outside looked pretty and gave her something to feel proud of achieving while she battled with the inside, sleep was a luxury.

She wanted to paint her surname across the little plaque on the front of the mini cottage mailbox but that was going to be tricky. At least she was a Swan again, one letter less to write than her former married name of Black. She would never use that surname again.

The mailbox was filthy. How much dust could one small mini cottage style box gather? And it seemed quite stuck on, she needed a scrubbing brush and hot water and some kind of cleaner.

Honestly, do people really sell their houses without scrubbing the years of grime off their mailbox? Apparently so.

She carried the bucket of hot water outside and attacked the offending box with a scrubbing brush and the diamond cleaner Alice insisted did amazing work on any surface. This would either prove or disprove that claim. God, even the inside of the box was filthy. It was made of some kind of metal so she couldn't do it any harm so she went for it and scrubbed every inch of the little sucker.

Now she just needed to hose it off. Of course the hose was in the backyard and naturally it didn't reach to the box so she had to stand back a good ten feet away and just hope she could reach every inch of it from here. She adjusted the nozzle to the strongest stream of water and aimed it and watched the water hit the target and spray off in every direction. It then occurred to her, the box was now left full of about two inches of water but she would work out later how to empty it. The tap placing necessitated her heading back into the yard, leaving the hose propped in between the palings on the porch rails and naturally it bounced out again but she ran through the cottage seeing that was the shortest route, and was about to turn the faucet when she heard a loud curse.

Ooops, it appeared the errant hose had soaked a passerby.

Bella walked back through the cottage and grabbed a dry towel from her stack of clean washing yet to be stowed away, and came face to face with a dripping wet man of over six feet tall, standing beside his racing bike and cursing.

"I'm really sorry, here, maybe you can dry off a bit with this..."

She stopped as the rider removed his helmet and glared at her, as only Edward Cullen ever managed to glare. Ferociously.

"Oh it's only you," Bella exclaimed, keeping the towel and heading inside, leaving him seething in rage. If she had to soak someone with her hose, she was glad it was him. Let him drip dry.

She slammed closed the little wooden gate that allowed access through the railings surrounding the front porch and marched towards the front door of the cottage, her head held high, until she felt a rather strange dragging feeling and looked down. Why was her sunfrock being pulled like that? She tugged at the hem caught in the gate and squealed as the movement forced the strapless top to slide down to her waist and reveal her naked breasts.

Laughter erupted from the wet man at the front gate of the property and she blushed a becoming shade of red as she struggled to free her frock, cover her breasts and get the hell inside and end this embarrassing encounter.

"It's okay, Bella, I have seen them before," he smirked.

She stepped out of the Goddamn dress completely and growled as she marched inside, slamming her door loudly, clad in only a pair of tiny black lace knickers Alice had bought her as a 'welcome back to the world of dating' gift.

Bella seethed about HIM seeing her like that! The man was the source of all her problems, when you thought about it, he was the one who practically forced her into the sham of a marriage with Jacob Black!

He unceremoniously dumped her straight out of High School because he was setting of for some fancy medical college in New York and was shedding all things small town: a 'clean break', she would like to give him a clean break and she knew exactly what appendage she would break off him cleanly.

She had given the man more than just her heart, she had given him her virginity but only because she was so sure they were a 'happy ever after' couple, which just went to show you can top every class at school and still be an idiot.

After the first brutal three months alone, she had let Jacob pick up the jagged pieces of her heart and soon enough, everyone was steamrolling them down the aisle and she became Mrs Jacob Black almost by default.

Charlie wanted her in a safe relationship that wouldn't end in months of tears , and he wanted his only child to be cared for and Billy Black wanted them united so his best friend's daughter could cement the friendship and join the families together in a solid and lasting way.

Ha!

Of course, their marriage couldn't stand the test of time and Jake had 'explained' his fascination with his 'friend' Leah as some ancient Quileute tradition of 'imprinting'; he had no control, he saw the girl and fell head over heels in love instantly and started cheating on Bella. Funny how the 'imprinting' only lasted three months. Bella had encountered a sad and sorry Leah only months later at the local supermarket and the girl looked so broken, Bella had approached her and let her apologize, rather than stalk away with her nose in the air refusing to acknowledge she existed, as she had in the previous three months.

Jake had used the same story on Leah. He had met someone new, and his 'ancient tradition' had hit again, and he had left Leah faster than the speed of light.

Now the two spurned women had become friends and Bella often helped babysit the child that resulted from Jacob and Leah's doomed relationship.

Baby Jacob was adorable, and Bella wished sometimes she had given in to Jake's nagging to have a child together while they were married, at least she would have had something to show for the wasted years.

A knock on her door pulled her from her musings. She wrapped the towel around herself and marched to the door.

Surely he wouldn't...

He would.

"Excuse me, Miss Swan, but your mailman didn't want to drop this parcel into the rather soggy mailbox so I accepted it for you," Edward said with his usual lop sided grin.

Bella snatched the small package from him and barked out a correction, just in case he didn't know the full impact of what he had caused.

"Bella Black," she snarled , breaking her own promise to herself, but in a good cause, and she slammed the door in his face.

He chuckled and called loudly "Don't mention it," before mounting his bike and riding away, shaking his head in laughter.

Bella watched him go through the dusty window and cursed that he had returned to Forks.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella tried to calm down but she really wished she had been cleaning the mailbox with a flame thrower. She fumed and paced across the front sitting room, paint tins and rollers and brushes littering the area, her few sticks of furniture safely hidden under dust cloths.

"Bloody Cullen, I had hope he had burned in Hell," she muttered, kicking the unoffensive sofa.

She flopped down and opened the parcel.

A housewarming gift from Alice, predictably.

A pretty hand worked tablecloth and a couple of fridge magnets.

Bella read them and laughed at the last one.

"Men are like floor tiles. Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for years."

So Alice!

Clearly Bella had not laid either of her men right because both had walked all over her, instead.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella walked down the middle of the large warehouse type room and wished the man in charge would just pick a dog for her and hand it over. How could she resist any of those big, sad eyes?

One hairy white headed and black coated mutt approached it's cage door hopefully and raised a white paw, and Bella bit her bottom lip. It's long hair was tied above it's eyes in a topknot and she blinked at the mismatched colors.

One blue eye, one brown. She was so big, though. Bella had told herself only a small inside dog, something fully grown so no surprises down the track when it ended up three times the predicted size.

"That's a lovely girl, beautiful nature, I would keep her myself if the wife would allow me another dog," the attendant said. "She is almost four years old, doesn't eat nearly as much as you would imagine, a lot of her is just hair. She should be white and silver grey by now but her back seems to be staying black."

"What kind of mutt is it?" she asked, determined not to cave.

"It's actually a pure bred sheepdog. Under all the tangles and mats lies a beautiful creature. Very loyal and loving."

Ha! That would definitely be a change, a loyal and loving companion.

The dog in the next cage looked at her with big appealing brown eyes. It was more her speed, some kind of spaniel.  
"What's this one?' she asked, trying not to look at the sad face of the sheepdog as it gave up and walked back to it's makeshift bed.

"She's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. It should have patches of chestnut, or black and tan I believe, I don't think all white is usually a variety they come in. Mismarked is the term. No good to breed from."

"How old is she?"

"Three years. Spayed, fully trained."

"I really wanted a smaller dog like this," Bella said, trying to convince herself.

"They came in together, these two. Their owner was killed in an accident. They are inseparable so I would rather you choose something else if you only want the one. There's a nice terrier over here. Small, a little hyper but he is a lovely dog.

"I think I have had my share of lovely dogs. I will take these two," she decided.

What the heck, it wasn't like she was ever trusting another male, these two girls would be all the company she needed.

The attendant beamed and led her to the desk to complete the paperwork and accepted her credit card.

The sheepdog proved to be named 'Lucy', a fitting name for an Old English, and the spanlel was named 'Cleo', another name Bella could live with. She got them into her little car and wondered again at the wisdom of adopting the larger dog but as she got into the driver's seat and started the engine, Lucy leaned forward over the back of her seat and licked her neck in a sincere thank you.

Bella smiled, it would be nice to be the one in this relationship that was appreciated and not begging for any scrap of affection. She could handle this. She drove straight to the pet barn and booked both girls in for a full wash and brush in the doggy spa and wandered around buying leads and collars and new baskets with pretty matching linings, pink and white checked gingham. Brushes would be a must so she let the salesgirl choose those suitable and accepted the combs and a book on owning a sheepdog.

Cleo seemed straight forward, fairly short coat with feathery legs and ears but the hairy sister needed proper care. She stowed her purchases in the trunk and looked around.

There was a coffee shop next door so while she waited for the girl's to be groomed, she read a magazine as she drank her coffee. Leah surprised her by walking by and Bella immediately asked her to join her.

"I would, but I have doctor's appointment, I think my new ear piercings are infected. The baby pulled on my earrings and my lobes bled and I didn't have anything to put on them, now I am paying the price."

"Leave him with me, I think it will be quite a while until I have to go," Bella suggested and a grateful Leah set the foot brake on the pram and dashed off, promising not to be long.

Bella leaned over and admired the baby as he slept peacefully. He was never any trouble, unlike his father.

"Yours?" asked a velvety voice and the smile dropped from her face.

"No, he is Leah's," she answered, then wished she had lied.

Edward pulled out a chair at her table and sat down uninvited.

"Leah will be right back and will need that chair," Bella snarked.

"Then I shall vacate it as soon as she returns," he replied.

Goddamn it, how could he look even better now than back in High School? She had thought him perfect then, but now he was mature and even sexier and she wanted to slap him for the offence.

His green eyes were laughing at her reaction and she was glad that Baby Jacob woke and demanded her attention. Bella scooped him up and kissed away his tears.

"What's up, Baby Jacob? Mommy will be back soon," she cooed.

"This is Jacob's son?" asked Edward, puzzled.

"Technically," she replied. Jake had never laid eyes on the child, his interest in all things Leah had ended as completely as his interest in all things Bella had earlier. Once Jake moved on, he never looked back.

"So, he is the child of the woman Jake left you for?"

"Yes," she bristled. Women were the mature gender, they didn't have to hate each other because both had been duped by the same selfish prick of a man.

"And you help her out with the baby?" he frowned and shook his head.

"It's not Baby Jacob's fault his father is an assho...moron," she retorted angrily.

"I don't understand you at all," he commented.

"You never did," she replied.

"Bella, it's been, what, eight years? Can we be friends at least?" he asked hopefully.

"I would never treat a friend the way you treated me," she bit back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see any point in attempting a long distance relationship. I had eight years ahead of me, in New York, it would not have been fair to either of us. I wanted you to be free and meet someone else who could make you happy," he answered.

"Well thanks but that was an epic fail," she replied.

"Do you have any children?" he asked and Bella was about to answer the truth but she changed her mind.

"Two girls, Lucy and Cleo."

"Oh, well, at least you have them."

"Yes, I do and we are very happy without a man around the house, cluttering up the place."

Baby Jacob sat up and squealed in delight as his mother approached. Edward grabbed a chair from the adjoining table and pulled it over for her.

"I thought you were leaving," Bella reminded him, wanting to tell Leah what an arrogant dick he still was. They enjoyed bagging out the few men in their pasts so they could confirm what they knew, men were not worth the effort. Leah had been engaged to Sam, another Quileute on the Rez, for years and was planning their wedding when he was apparently hit with the 'tribe curse' and fell in love with her cousin, Emily, who he had down the aisle weeks later, before even the date he and Leah had set for their wedding. It was just typical, men are all selfish douchebags and Edward's pretty face didn't make him any better than the plainer ones.

"Hello Edward," said Leah, sitting down and placing her coffee in front of her on the table, before accepting her baby back.

"Hello Leah. He's a great little man, this boy here."

"Thanks. I just hope I can raise him right after his rocky start in life. You know I am no longer with Jake?"

"Really? No, I don't know much, I only just got back to town and Alice is yet to visit and fill me in on all the happenings during my absence."

"Oh, I hear she and Jasper are getting married soon," Leah replied.

"Finally. I suspect I am about to become an uncle again. They made no effort to get married until now and they have been together since Junior Year in High School," he said.

"Some people know when they meet the real thing, just as some of us are under stupid illusions," Bella muttered.

"So, how old are your girls?" Edward asked politely.

Leah looked up at her friend, surprised. Her girls?

Bella kicked her under the table and answered.

"Lucy is four and Cleo is three."

Edward grinned.

"I just can't imagine you pregnant, you are so tiny still. It must have been even harder to remain upright when you were due to deliver."

"They're adopted," blurted out Bella, madly wishing she had never started this lie.

He would soon find out the truth, the minute Alice came home he would know everything and she would look like an even bigger fool.

"Bella," warned Leah, no doubt coming to the same conclusion.

"They are not actually children, they are my dogs. But I love them like children," she defended.

Edward smiled broadly.

"I know what you mean. I got a dog when I went away to college. She saved me from many long, lonely nights."

Bella snorted. It was highly unlikely he had ever spent a single night alone. He only had to do that darn smile and women would drop from the sky into his bed.

"Are you married?" asked Leah and Bella tried to look disinterested.

"No, I lost the only girl I ever wanted to marry."

Good, thought Bella, glad he had experienced the other side of the coin.

"I should get Baby Jacob home, he is due a feed and a nap," Leah said, and Bella sat and let Edward do the gentlemanly thing and help her with the pram and baby bag and she watched him darkly as he held her Godson and grinned at his lovely russet face. Despite being fathered by a stupid man, Baby Jacob was a truly wonderful baby, and far more attractive than his almost beautiful father.

Bella took the opportunity to escape while Edward was strapping the baby into his car seat to go back int the pet barn and reclaim her new family. She stood still in shock at the sight of Lucy. Now spotlessly clean, she looked amazing, her hair soft and puffy, her head like a stick of white candy floss.

The dog licked her face and Bella clasped her hands around it's neck.

Safe love. Love she could trust. Lucy already knew she belonged to Bella, after this short acquaintance, and it made her heart warm knowing it was a love she didn't have to earn or fight to maintain.

Cleo jumped at her legs and pulled on the lead the girl held, barking in excitement.

Bella leaned down and patted her shiny clean head.

"They look amazing, thank you so much."

She paid happily and booked the girls in for a complete groom every fortnight and took them to her car and bundled them inside.

Suddenly her world was not so empty and bleak.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward watched her load her dogs into the little car and wondered if she would ever allow him to be her friend again. It had been a schoolgirl crush, no more, she was probably dating Jacob Black the day after he left town. Her eyes seemed to say something to him, that she still hurt at his leaving, but that was ridiculous.

He had come back a mere year after he left, determined to find a way to talk her into coming to NY with him and living in his apartment and finding herself a job there, it had to be better than the job she took in the town library. He had missed her so much more than he ever expected and his halfhearted efforts to date other girls only confirmed what he was coming to suspect. He loved her, the little brown eyed, brown haired beauty who had let him into her bed when her father was on night shift.

It had shocked him to his core to find out she had married Jacob Black, and so quickly. He must have meant little to her for her to move on so seriously, so fast.

He had imagined her as broken as he was, and had pictured his homecoming, anticipating a warm welcome back into that small bed.

Well, he had been wrong, and he had never come back again, preferring his parents to come and visit him in the city. He knew it was no hardship for them, his Mother loved to shop in NY shops, and he and Carlisle had spent their time catching up and he had always waited for the dreaded news that Bella and Jake had a child together.

He was sad to hear about Jacob's betrayal of her, but on the other hand, with his enemy out of the picture, maybe he and Bella could try a mature relationship?

It seemed 'No' was the answer to that question.

He had hidden his surprise when she announced she had two children as he knew it wasn't true and he wondered why she had said those things. Maybe she knew he still had feelings for her and wanted to hurt him as a punishment for leaving her in the first place? But that implied she still cared on some level and he sadly suspected that was not the case.

He had ridden his bike past her little cottage every day for the three weeks he had been back before the hose incident, and while he had been shocked at his soaking, he had hoped it was a way in, a way to rebuild something, anything, with her.

But it appeared that ship had long sailed.

He watched her drive away, her brown hair with it's red highlights flowing from the window, and the white fluffy head behind her, stuck out in the breeze, tongue lolling, mismatched eyes happy and content with life.

He wished for the first time ever that he could change places with a dog.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I am having trouble finding a word for what we call a loft bedroom. It's not what you in the USA call a loft apartment. If you want to see one, I put photos of my bedroom on my facebook. Its kismetianfanfic at gmail dot com and I posted them so anyone can look, even if not my 'friend'. Cheers.(Victoria, I put all my Tonner dolls there , and the others,too.)(finally).Will edit typos later, at work, so excuse them for now.**

The Cottage

Chapter 2

It's A Nice Day For A White Wedding

"Bella!" squealed Alice yet again as she walked around the yard, spying the old arch that had a lovely thick creeper trained intertwining through the framework, and the pretty bell shaped pink flowers.

"This is the perfect place for a wedding!" she said excitedly, jumping up and down.

"Nooo, Alice, you saw inside the cottage, it is so not ready for any visitors let alone holding a wedding."

"Oh piffle, we can all pitch in, Jaz is amazing with a tin of paint, and we will have this little house shipshape in no time at all. We have three weeks, that's ages."

"Ages? Three weeks? Alice, be reasonable. I have four weeks vacation due, I can take that immediately seeing it's so quiet at the library this time of year, but even so."

Six borrowers a day average instead of the hectic rush in Winter of maybe a massive crowd of twenty.

"Good, see, solutions already. The garden is done, we can set up rows of chairs along here, and here, and I will walk down the aisle between them, straight out of your side door, and Jaz will be waiting under the arch for me! You are being my bridesmaid of course, so is Rose. It will be perfect!" Alice clapped and jumped about and Bella bit her lower lip.

Bridesmaid? She wondered what absurd dress that would require. A pink ballet tutu or something equally ridiculous, knowing Ali.

"Rose and Emmett will be coming back? I miss them," Bella admitted. She could not wait to see how big their son was and how beautiful the twin mini-Rosalie's were now.

Rose-Mary and Rose-Marie. Yes, Emmett named them, as anyone who knew the couple would immediately conclude.

Rose had used up her turn when Carmichael, the first Cullen grandson had arrived two years before the twins. Mikey was wonderful, big and broad like his Dad. Rose had said even if the identical girls had emerged from her body together at the same time, they would still have been smaller than their humongous brother had been at birth.

Twelve pounds! Possibly a pound of black curls included in that weight.

Rose-Mary had weighed in at five pounds ten and Rose-Marie at five pounds one so she had been right.

They had stayed in Forks until Mikey was old enough to start school, then moved away to California so nobody in Forks had seen much of them since, just the annual Christmas visit.

Seeing them all shoot up taller and change from toddlers to real children was always a shock and Bella had regretted their absence.

She had no problem staying friends with Edward's family, they all knew the Golden Rule.

Edward and all things Edward were of no interest to her therefore Edward news was never discussed in her presence.

It had been the opposite when they visited Edward in New York, he always wanted to know everything Bella related, no matter how insignificant. How was she, did they see her much, was she still working in the library, was she happy? How happy? Did she look happy? Were they sure she was happy?

Esme had always wondered why he hadn't just come back for a weekend as soon as he realized, and made things up with her, that first year. He had been sure it was just a first time crush type thing, and they would both grow out of it, it hadn't bothered him much at all to leave.

But it seemed he was no sooner gone than he was regretting leaving her, always phoning and asking her to check on Bella, in case the wolves had descended and carried her off or something.

She had worried at first, Charlie had come to call and told them how she was, virtually catatonic, and he was even thinking of selling up and moving to New York, and they knew he was not a city type at all. However, he wanted to save his child and the fall from the cliff had been horrific for him. They all politely termed it that way, the fall. Not the jump, as they all knew it really had been.

She was not in her right mind, that much was clear. She simply felt she couldn't go on and had nothing to live for and had Jake not been in his boat, right near where she 'fell', the end would have been vastly different. He had dived in and saved her life and while everyone sat around, hearts in their mouths, waiting for her to try again, something had happened. Jake had managed to thaw her out and make her smile again. He stayed with her in her little bed in her bedroom for days and nights and just held her and talked and she had decided to live again.

It was better that way, Esme knew that, there was no way she wanted her son to know what his actions had brought about, so they agreed as a family to never tell him.

It was over, done, she moved on. Before the year was out, Jacob married Bella.

Carlisle and Esme had been invited and had attended and had kissed the bride and wished the groom their congratulations and best of luck and the next day, while the happy couple had left on their honeymoon, a defeated Edward had arrived home unexpectedly and told his parents he was there to take Bella back to NY with him, that he could no longer stay away.

Esme would never forget his face, when she sat in front of him and held his hands inside hers and told him Bella would not be going back anywhere with him, she was married.

At least he had not come a day earlier and ruined the wedding.

Esme always wondered if he would have ruined it or won. Would Bella have chosen him, over Jacob? Even that late in the piece, would she have wanted to go with Edward and left Jake standing there?

Maybe it would have been preferable, as things had worked out.

Bella seemed happy enough, as the years passed she worked and visited them still, and remained close to Alice mainly, and she was just an extension of their family. Then the unexpected had happened. How Jake could have suddenly changed had baffled them all.

Esme had seen Bella, shamed and embarrassed when the affair with Leah came to light and while the Quileute girl had gained little sympathy for her plight, pregnant and deserted by her lover who had not even waited to divorce Bella before embarking on the affair, Bella had stood by Leah's side and even gone into the delivery room and been her birth coach when Carlisle delivered the baby.

She was so brave and courageous and selfless, Esme thought. How many women would do that for her usurper? Most would have spit on the girl in the street and celebrated her misfortune, but not Bella. Most of the baby necessities had been paid for by Bella, she had bought the crib and pram, she had let Leah stay with her in her small rented flat until she got back onto her feet and found a place of her own.

They were still best friends, Bella was often seen walking about, pushing the pram, cuddling the baby, filling in whenever Leah needed a break or had to be somewhere.

Esme liked to think she herself would have been as kind and selfless but she doubted it.

Had some other woman stolen her husband, she would have probably wished them both to the depths of Hell.

Bella Swan was cut from a different cloth to everyone else. She was completely not bothered by what anyone said or thought about her friendship with Leah and always defended the girl and insisted she was merely another victim of Jacob's. This led Esme to question how strong her feelings had been for her husband in the first place.

After Edward left, she had been broken and devastated and preferred death; after Jake left, she had been angry and embarrassed, nothing more.

It was as if Jacob had committed a faux pas in polite society.

Esme hoped Bella was ready to move on, or move backwards, actually, and try again with Edward but the look on his face suggested this was not happening.

"So, what have you been doing today?" she asked, setting the table for dinner.

"Not a lot," Edward replied.

He was getting bored already. She wished Carlisle had something to offer him until Dr Blake left to go to Canada and thus opened a position for Edward at the hospital, but his contract was still four weeks short of ending.

The front door burst open and Alice danced in, kissing her mother's cheek.

"Guess what?" she asked her mother and brother.

"Bella Swan hates me," Edward hazarded a guess.

Alice scowled.

"Edward, not everything is about you. But it is about Bella as luck would have it. We are having our wedding in her cottage. Well, mainly in the garden. You would not believe what that garden is like, Esme, it has more roses than a rose nursery. In every shade of pink. The owner must have been some type of rose freak, the entrie backyard had roses everywhere and Bella has added all sorts of little wildflowers and she has this flower covered arch, perfect to make our vows under, and the cottage is beautiful, it just needs a little work.."

Jasper rolled his eyes.

"How much work?" Esme asked.

"A lot of work. The shutters are all broken and need replacing, the floors need stripping and repolishing, the walls need painting, even the room she has started on needs several more coats, the kitchen needs ripping out and being replaced, the bathrooms are not too bad," Jasper listed off.

"Sounds like you two have your work cut out for you," Edward commented.

"I would love to help but as I have told Alice a dozen times yet she fails to hear and understand, I have patients I cannot just ignore, I will be working nine to five every week day for the next four weeks if she expects me to take a month off for our honeymoon. We just had two weeks off to go get her dress made and attend the fittings and the suit fittings and now I have to pull my weight so I can go with her on the honeymoon, or she will need to take someone else instead."

"Oooh, Jaz, we need you," Alice complained.

"I know, and had I known we were going to be involved in refurbishing Bella's cottage, I would have made arrangements. I asked you several times if it was fine me working these four weeks before the big event and you assured me repeatedly there would be nothing for me to do anyway. You can't change your mind now."

"I didn't know Bella would buy a cottage and need us," she replied.

"Bella didn't know she was buying a wedding location either. Maybe we should have the wedding here, you know Esme and Carlisle won't mind," he said, smiling cheekily at his mother-in-law-to-be.

"Maybe that would be better, Alice. You and Bella can't do all that work yourselves," Esme agreed. She would be happy to decorate, hang curtains, put up wallpaper , whatever they needed but none of them know how to fit a new kitchen. In fact , when they needed theirs replaced they had asked...Edward! He had done it for them, he could do it for Bella.

"Edward, you did an amazing job when you replaced our kitchen," she opened with.

She knew she was risking opening old wounds, he had done it while Bella was on her honeymoon, needing to exert physical effort into something, while his head adjusted to the news. He had ripped the old kitchen away with a lot more force than necessary but that had ended his rage and he had meticulously installed the new kitchen over the next two weeks.

He had done an amazing job and it seemed to get him back on even ground again, and when he returned to college, he was calmer and accepting he had left things far too late and now things had changed.

Esme had visited him often, but she never managed to surprise him with a girl in his bed or even just in his apartment when she arrived unannounced. She hoped that simply meant she had hit a rare day when no girl was there each time, not that he had given up looking.

Now she suspected that had actually been the case. He had produced a girl if they demanded he bring a date on their dinners out, always a different girl, never anyone he seemed to find special. Often Angela came instead if he refused to ask any other girl, but he always took the girl home and came right back to his apartment while they stayed with him, and they had never had any of those embarrassing encounters with the half naked girls sneaking out just as they got up in the morning and Edward always slept in his own bed, so he hadn't gone to theirs.

They knew Angela was simply his friend, and she had always had her sights set on Ben, even if she was not game to make a move yet. She wanted to finish her course and be a fully fledged doctor before starting any romantic entanglements so it suited her to accompany Edward anywhere he needed a 'date'. He did the same for her but Esme doubted there had ever been more between them.

Edward was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"You could help and do Bella's kitchen for her," she suggested brightly.

"Yes!" cheered Alice. "I know what she wants, all white painted wooden cupboards and she has this darling dining table and chairs but they need to be painted white as well, and the shutters need a man to hang them but Bella and I can paint them..."

Her voice trilled on and Edward got up and poured a coffee while she chirped.

"You are forgetting, Bella is not an Edward fan, she is happy to soak me with her garden hose but she will not welcome me into her house."

"Oh she will, once she knows you are there to work," Alice dismissed his protests.

She grabbed up her cellphone.

"Bella, Alice. Guess what, I have just the man to do your new kitchen. Edward, of course. How obvious. I am bringing him with me tomorrow , Jasper insists on going to work but Edward is almost as good. See you tomorrow!" She finally paused to breathe as she closed her phone.

"There, she was thrilled," Alice announced.

"Did she even get a single word out in reply?" Edward asked.

"What?" asked Alice, the whole concept clearly beyond her understanding.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella awoke when she had the feeling someone was staring at her. She opened one eye as hot breath puffed on her face and stared into a china blue eye. She opened the other eye and it stared into a deep brown eye.

"Lucy, what are you doing on my bed? You have a very pretty little bed of your..."

Oh.

She used to have a pretty bed, now she had a tangle of chewed cane and torn fabric.

Cleo stood in her own undamaged bed and wagged her feathery tail, waiting to be invited onto Bella's bed as well.

"Oh come on, the more the merrier."

Cleo ran to the side and tried to jump up so Bella helped her up and sat up and looked at her two new friends.

"Well, is that all you ate last night? I'm not going to find half the mailman under my bed or anything, right?"

Lucy huffed enthusiastically, maybe she liked that idea.

"Okay, off you two, I have work to do."

She slid out of bed and headed for the shower downstairs. Upstairs was a single room lofted over the sitting room, and it contained her large and comfortable bed, oddly an old fashioned claw tub plumbed in, a handbasin, a toilet hidden behind a half walled corner, and a lot of shelves which she had filled with her hundreds of books. She had added a dressing screen so she had some privacy, anyone walking in the front door and looking up could see into the loft so she hid half her bed behind the screen, and today she was very glad she had, as she wandered downstairs and found Edward and Alice in her kitchen.

"Good morning Bella, as you can see we made an early start. I hope we didn't wake you," she trilled.

Edward was busy measuring and writing down results and Bella pushed past him to put the old fashioned kettle onto the stovetop and lit the fuel.

"I think we should keep the cooker, you don't find these anywhere nowadays and they can't break or not work. I don't know why we ever progressed to modern cookers, these were perfect," he said.

She was surprised they agreed about something. She had been ready to dig her heels in and shout at anyone who suggested the AGA had to go.

She loved her old kitchen but it was too old and cracked and had seen better years, let alone days. So long as Alice kept the same theme going, nice solid wood everywhere and no chipboard or laminate in sight, she would let the girl go to town.

"Coffee?" she offered.

"Yes, thanks," both Cullens replied so she made three cups and put them on her old table, once painted green, red before that, blue maybe originally. Where the paint had peeled, different colors showed through.

She remembered the hairier members of the family and opened the backdoor and sent them outside.

"You can come in later, we don't need dogs under our feet now and no leaving the yard." She thought the fences were strong and complete but after seeing the dog basket this morning, maybe Lucy would chew an escape route for them.

Alice opened a bakery box of cinnamon rolls and the three sat at the table and ate and drank.

"How long have you been here?" Bella asked, wondering now why she had given Alice a key. The girl clearly took it as an open invitation to come in whenever she wanted to. Regardless of the time.

"We got here about half an hour ago, Edward wants to get started. He did Esme's kitchen in two weeks but he was...inspired, he may need longer to do yours."

Bella shrugged, not sure if Alice was speaking in code. How had Esme inspired him?

"You don't mind us coming in early, do you?" Alice suddenly realized she may have been a little rude.

"No, I just usually prefer people seeing me showered and dressed is all."

"Well, we have both seen you in your pj's before, don't worry about it," Alice assured her.

Edward paused and frowned, Alice was being somewhat insensitive. Those days were long gone and he didn't imagine Bella liked remembering back then, when he saw her in her pajamas, after how things ended.

Alice chatted on, oblivious at what she was touching on. Edward wished he could turn back time but that wouldn't happen, Bella just didn't know where to look and was glad Edward couldn't read her mind seeing she was thinking more of the many times he had seen her out of her pajamas. After he took them off her.

She knew she was blushing but she could do nothing to stop, so she walked over and gazed out the top half of the back door, flipping it open and leaving the bottom half shut. She loved the unique features of this old farmhouse.

Her two dogs looked up at her from where they lay curled on the back doormat.

"It's a truly beautiful house," Edward said, startling her by standing behind and slightly to her side, looking outside as well.

"I bet it was in it's day," she replied. She had been so in love with it at first glance, she knew she would buy it even though she had insufficient funds to pay for all the work needed to be done. This wedding was a Godsend, a way to get her house refurbished, and quickly, not the years long project she had pictured.

"Edward, thank you for doing this. There's no way I could afford tradesmen to do the kitchen yet. I do appreciate it, especially after the way I have been so rude to you. I am surprised you even agreed."

"I am happy to do it. Alice swore I could wear a normal suit as best man, and not some clown's suit or vampire cloak or whatever we all expected her to choose. So I am doing this for myself. But now I have seen the beauty of the house inside, it really will be my pleasure working here. I'm sorry about Alice and her mouth, she still lacks a filter between her mouth and her brain."

Bella smiled and finished her coffee.

"I should have a shower."

She walked into the downstairs bathroom that lacked a bath but had a shower, and shut the door behind her. She couldn't help remembering the many early morning showers they had shared during Junior and Senior years. Jake had not seen the point in sharing showers, he needed every inch of room for himself so she had actually only ever shared her showers with Edward.

She wished they could be friends but she didn't see how that could work. They had known one another so intimately but it had clearly meant different things to each. She had sincerely thought sleeping with him had meant they were a couple and shared a future. What did Renee say? Women always mix up sex with love. They want love so when they have sex, they read a different meaning in it. To men it can just be a physical thing, a pleasurable sport, but to her she had felt like Edward was part of her and she had been forced to close off most of her heart after he left.

What she and Jake were had never ever come close to what she had thought she shared with Edward, but in fact, Jake had married her, and wanted her, clearly more than the other man had ever done.

Not for long, though. Five years, and he was in Leah's bed.

She knew she was not blameless. Sex with Jake had seemed so different, like an obligation, he married her, she owed him the rights to her body. She had avoided sex a lot, she knew that, mainly because she felt to differently for the two men and sometimes she felt like a prostitute with Jake. Like she was paying him back for rescuing her, twice. The day she...fell...off the cliff, and the weeks that followed when he made her come back to life and see she had other options, not all of them fatal.

Maybe she had paid her debt in full by the time they reached their fifth anniversary and he had felt ready to move on. She could never forget she owed him her life but sometimes, in the dark of night, she lay in bed and wondered if he had really done her a favor. It hadn't seemed like it at the time, then when he humiliated her in front of the entire town, she had wondered if he regretted saving her all along?

Maybe he liked her more when he couldn't have her. He had sniffed around her since puberty but she had chosen Edward, and Jake had fumed and hated them both for a while. He had let slip he knew Edward would leave her, and Bella had realized the gulf of difference between them when Jake pointed it out. Before that, she hadn't assumed beautiful people only were attracted to other beautiful people, there were plenty of mismatched couples in the world.

Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel.

A beautiful woman and a...homely...man. Okay it didn't last but at the time, the photos from back then, they looked happy and he didn't seem to be brooding about how his wife was so much more attractive than he was, and she never looked like she saw him as less attractive than she was.

But Jake had made her think. He put everyone into categories. Alice and Jasper, both beautiful, therefore right.

Rosalie and Emmett...she was gorgeous but he was ultra manly, a hunk, a great face, nice nature, well built body...another perfect match.

Carlisle and Esme, two people who looked like they belonged in some old Hollywood movie. Another perfect match.

Mike and Jessica...both boy/girl next door, both outgoing, neither stunning, another match.

So, Bella had asked, who should Edward have chosen?

"Nobody in this town, that's for sure. He will find his match in New York, plenty of beautiful rich girls there."

And it seemed he had, but he had said he had lost her.

She didn't really feel happy about that. She hoped he hadn't suffered as much as she had, when his girl left him. She wouldn't wish that type of pain on her worst enemy.

She dressed and left the bathroom and was shocked to see Mike Newton in her kitchen.

Alice was sitting beside him, and he was drinking coffee. Did everyone now just wander into her house?

Edward was under the kitchen sink, unbolting the doors or whatever one did to take a kitchen apart.

"So, Bella, you have a visitor," trilled Alice.

"Mike" she said cautiously. Why wasn't Jess with him if this was a social call and why else would he be here?

"Yeah, hi, could I speak to you privately?" he gushed.

"Sure, okay," she answered, baffled at what he would need privacy to tell her.

They headed out to the small side yard where the inground pool sat and Bella dangled her feet in the water and felt the two dogs flop beside her, meaning Mike had to keep his distance. Dogs are so useful, she thought. Lucy was stretching her body out sideways so Mike had to move further away still, or have a pair of hairy legs on his lap.

"I. er, figured you had, ah, you know, enough time now, since the divorce and baby thing and that, so I was wondering if you would, er, comeouttodinnerwithme?" he finished in such a rush it came out like a single word.

"You and Jess?" Bella asked, confused.

"No, we are on a break. Well, she thinks we are on a break but we are done. Finished. Over,"

Oh.

Now she got the picture.

She hoped he had not left Jess in the hope she was about to fall into his arms because that would never happen.

"Mike, to be honest, I am truly done with men. No offence, but I have never met any worth the risk and work and effort. I am happy now, and I would rather stay that way, single and happy, not in a couple and always angsting over how it will end, when it will end. Relationships don't work for me."

"But maybe you have never been with the right man," he protested, clearly sure that was the case, seeing she had never been with him.

"I was with the right man, once and look where that got me."

"Yeah, divorced," Mike answered and Bella looked up in shock. She hadn't been thinking of Jacob at all.

"Yeah, divorced," she muttered.

"I should go," Mike said, standing up. Cleo jumped at him and nearly knocked him off balance into the pool.

"You are lucky that wasn't Lucy," Bella laughed as Mike grimaced and patted vaguely at the dogs.

"Jess will be at work by now," he mused out loud. Transparent. Evidently we are interchangeable, Bella thought.

"Go meet her then, and make up," she suggested and walked him to the front gate, closing it behind him. The dogs sat at her feet until she waved at Mike then walked towards the porch. She opened the porch gate and let them sit on the old rose patterned sofa that was too good to toss away but too ugly to allow inside the house, and went inside.

"So, Mike," said Alice.

"Yeah, Mike," Bella agreed and headed upstairs to get her sheets off her bed and wash them.

Bella had hung her washing out on the outside clothes line, optimistic they would dry in the gentle breeze and gentler sun, before the daily rain began. The sky was clear so far.

She got clean sheets out of the downstairs storage closet and began walking up the open staircase that led to her loft.

"Bella, would you mind if I came up and had a look upstairs?" Edward asked.

"Sure," she replied.

He followed her up and whistled at the room. It was the one completely redecorated room. She could only afford to have the one room done professionally and she figured she would spend more time in the bedroom when she was home than any other room, and so she had it done before she moved in.

He looked out the dormer windows, and ran his hand over the exposed beams of the ceiling area. She had forgotten how tall he was and how long his fingers were. So long. So very long.

She shook herself. Stop it, now, whore Bella.

Edward kept walking, looking down into the front sitting room over the wooden balustrade, now painted snowy white. He turned and faced her finally.

"I love your house, Bella. I really do. I envy you owning this."

"Edward, you live in a mansion," she scoffed.

"Yes, we live in a mansion but this cottage has a wonderful atmosphere. It has soul."

Bella couldn't deny that. She had felt it the first time she walked into the cottage. It had been a cold and wet, naturally, miserable day and the agent had been eager to quickly show her through then get home to his fireside and warm up but Bella had been mesmerized by the little house and had wandered from room to room, not seeing the dilapidated state it was in, but seeing what it could be, with work and time and money. She had the time, and she was willing to work, but the money part would be difficult. That didn't stop her for a second. She was scarcely ever right about anything, obviously, but she was right about this.

She had sat in the upper bedroom, cross legged on the floor and ignored the peeling paint and cobwebs, and saw it as it now was. Beautiful.

She was glad she chose this room as the one room to be fixed up, because it was almost a religious experience just being here, and she was surprised Edward felt the same. Alice had thought it pretty, Jasper had thought it a little impractical, with the lack of privacy, Charlie could only see the work that needed to be done, nobody else had felt about it like she had.

Until now.

Damn the man, didn't he even get how perfect they were together? Had he no idea what he had ruined? She still grieved for what had been and what might have followed, but this was more than she could bear and she quickly walked downstairs before she made a complete fool of herself and threw him on the white comforter and fucked his brains out. She stopped and shook her head, that was not even what she had been thinking, stupid horny brain, she had actually been thinking, before she kissed him.

She made it downstairs and went straight to the front door and grabbed the dog's leads and clipped their collars on and hurriedly walked away from her cottage, down the lane to the beach.

Alice walked to the door and watched her go.

"What did you do?" she demanded, when her brother came downstairs again.

"What? I didn't do anything."

"What did you say to her? She was a white as a ghost. We have to be really careful with her, Edward. You know that."

Edward shook his head. Alice was forever talking riddles and he often failed to keep track but she was just weird sometimes.

"Come help me in the kitchen," he said.

xxx xxx xxx

Bella walked swiftly and picked up a stick and threw it along so it landed in the sand twenty feet ahead and she unclipped the leashes and let Lucy and Cleo run free. It was a risk, they might run off and disappear or run into the surf and ruin their pretty clean hairdo's but she needed to think.

About what? The past? What was the point?

xxx xxx xx

Edward looked up as the knock sounded on Bella's front door. She would hardly knock herself. Alice opened it and faced Eric Yorkie.

"Oh, I was looking for Bella Swan. I thought she lived here."

"She does, she is out at the moment. Can I take a message?" Alice asked.

"She's divorced, right?"

"Yes, she is," the pixie answered.

"Yeah, so, I wondered if she would give me a call. I think she might go on a date with me, now the fallout of Jake is over."

"Leave her your card if you want," Alice suggested.

Eric pulled out his wallet and handed one over .

"Bye then, uh, Alice."

"Bye Eric. Long time no see,"

"Yeah. Bye."

Edward scowled and Alice laughed at him.

"I guess the good folk of Forks consider her post divorce grace period is over," Alice laughed.

Edward grunted and returned to ripping cupboards off the wall, somewhat more violently than before.

When Bella returned, he glared at her and she shrugged and put the dogs in the backyard and went to help Alice. Together they painted the sitting room walls again, and then , as it was warmish and sunnyish, Alice suggested they take a swim. Edward ignored them and kept ripping the kitchen apart so the girls sat on the pool steps and enjoyed the sun. The dogs ran around, barking if the girls splashed at them, and Cleo fell in but swam to the side and climbed out. Lucy kept her distance and watched from afar.

"Oh, Eric Yorkie called in and left his card. He would like you to call him and maybe go out on a date." Alice informed Bella, as she lay beside the pool in the sun on a towel.

"Really? Eric Yorkie? I think I last saw him at our wedding. I don't think he was even invited."

Alice chuckled.

"It's kind of like High School all over again. All the boys want Bella."

Bella poked her tongue out at Alice and rolled over.

"So, are you going to call him?"

"Alice, come on. He was annoying in school, I doubt he has changed."

"You have," Alice pointed out.  
"Yeah, I guess life has a way of changing you if you get kicked in the teeth often enough," Bella replied.

The girls went into Forks proper, if there was such a place, and ordered takeaway for lunch, seeing the kitchen was unusable now.

"So, when I was looking for a house to buy, I saw an ad for a house, and it had 'located in Fork's CBD," laughed Bella. "How many CBD's boast a small supermarket and 3 shops? How very central and businessy."

"I bet you didn't even go view it, who wants to live in a bustling city nowadays?"

"Yes, all those cars, what, one every hour, it would be too hectic for me," Bella agreed.

They set the food out on the outdoor table and and Edward joined them to eat lunch. He soon started to get into a better mood as the girl's laughed and joked and Bella looked up in surprise as yet another visitor approached just as they finished eating.

Tyler Crowley stood there, a bunch of flowers in his hand.

"Hello, Tyler?" Bella said.

"Hi, I came to congratulate you on your divorce," he said, his whole attitude confident that he would be well received. "I myself recently divorced and so I thought we should get together. You know, keep each other company, help one another over the bump."

"I think I am well over the bump by now and as I told Mike and Eric, I am not dating. I am choosing to be single. Thanks but no thanks."

Bella walked towards him, heading him towards the front gate and Alice jumped up to take the other side, so he could be hustled out more quickly.

After he had gone, Bella and Alice faced one another and laughed.

"I swear, my mother has put a personal ad in the paper announcing Bella is single, come marry her, someone, anyone."

They returned inside and the girls washed their brushes and rollers and Edward threw the old wooden doors and shelves into the skip and they all decided, enough was enough.

They had made a lot of progress but they were all tired and ready to relax.

"So, we will be back tomorrow," chirped Alice, hugging Bella.

"A little later so you can wake up alone," added Edward, opening the car door for his sister.

"Thanks, both of you. I really appreciate everything," Bella said, and Edward waved.

"So, first up tomorrow, what's next on the agenda?" Alice asked Edward as he started the car.

"Maybe install a revolving door instead of that wooden door on the front of the house, so it's easier for her suitors to come and go," Edward growled. and Alice sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

The Cottage

Chapter 3

Dog Days

Bella filled her bath and lay in the warm water and the two dogs stood beside, obviously unsure if this was a safe thing to be doing. Lucy ventured one paw into the water then rapidly withdrew it again. Not her idea of fun. Bella reached a hand out and patted them in turn and lay back in the bubbles and read her book. The Time Traveller's Wife. Much as she was loving it, she felt for Clare and felt like she was probably not going to get a Happy Ever After either unless the author was quite brilliant and could fine a solution not yet apparent.

Bella quite liked Henry, even just a hundred pages into the book. He was flawed and human and made mistakes, didn't we all. And somehow she even liked that he had not saved himself for Clare, as that would have been far too unrealistic. Men were not monks by nature, and once men had started having sex they probably never stopped, no matter how many different women were necessary for a regular supply if they weren't in a relationship. Or even if they were.

She sighed and lay back and put her bath pillow under her head.

Her stomach growled and she realised she had no kitchen now, so once hunger overcame the comfort of the warm bubbles, she got out and wrapped herself in a towel and went in search of sustenance.

How come it was so easy to make a sack of dry dogfood that swore it contained everything needed; vitamins, minerals, fat and fiber, and it tasted acceptable to dogs but human food had to be prepared and cooked and take so much effort?

She had just settled on a packet of cereal as the dining choice of the night seeing she was too tired to cook anything in the messy, half demolished room but she was out of milk, so dry cereal straight from the box it was. A knock sounded on her door. She was hardly dressed to receive guests so she called through the door to ask who it was.

"It's 'only me", Edward," he replied so she opened the door a little.

"I brought dinner," he said so she widened the gap and let him inside.

He smiled at her choice of outfit and she blushed.

"I'm sorry and I also owe you an apology, you caught me off balance that first day, when your dress..." he stumbled out.

"We have both been a little uncomfortable with one another, only to be expected I guess. I will be right back," she said and ran upstairs and quickly dressed.

Edward had the food on the table already plated and she sat down and breathed in the aroma.

"I was about to dine on Captain Crunch," she admitted. "This smells divine, Esme is such a great cook."

"Actually, I cooked it," he answered.

"Wow, Edward cooks now?"

"Living alone for eight years forces your hand. I did a cookery course in my spare time the first year I was there."

"You had spare time?" she questioned.

"I didn't date at all the first year" he admitted, "well, not really, I went out with groups but never really dated as such."

"Why not?" she asked, baffled. She had always imagined everyone who escaped to college would go crazy away from parental control.

"I missed you. I wanted to give us both some time to work out if we wanted to continue or not, and by the time I decided I did want you to come with me and live in my apartment off campus, you were married."

Bella didn't speak. She had often wondered how much better her life could have been had she not married Jake, now she knew.

"You came back?"

"The day after you married Jake."

"Oh."

She wondered why he hadn't at least called her to discuss things, if he was having doubts.

He read her mind, or at least, her face.

"I wanted us both to be sure. I took a long time to realize things."

"Things?"

"How much I missed you, what I wanted, how to offer the little I had and have it be enough. Medicine is brutal and I was rarely home, I wondered if you would survive the loneliness, or miss Charlie too much, or even want to go live in a place where you knew only other medical students like Angela, who had as little spare time as I did. By the time I decided to let you choose..."

"I had chosen," she finished.

"Yes you had."

"I had chosen what appeared to be my only option," she qualified.

"You knew I loved you, I told you often enough."

"If you loved me, you would have figured out this option before you left. You didn't seem too upset to leave me behind."

"I was a kid, I thought we were somewhat one sided."

"I know we were.," she answered.

"See, I always knew I loved you more than you loved me, now you admit it," he answered.

Bella sat and looked at him intensely.

"Let's weigh things up. You skipped off to the city without a backward glance, I lay in my bed literally for three months then..."

"You lay in bed for three months?"

"I did. I couldn't find a reason to get up."

"That's why you never went to SeattleU?"

"I kind of missed the start of the school year and by the time I was in a condition to go, it was too late."

"So, you took the job in the library."

"The pity job? Yes. I dare say I could have asked for just about any job in Forks, everyone felt so bad for me they were all offering to take me on but I chose the library because I figured it would be slow and easy and not taxing so I could coast until I got my head back into a better place."

"I had no idea," he said softly, covering her hand with his. "I'm so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, not ruining your life."

She looked at his hand, and hers, and slowly drew her hand out from under, and picked up her cutlery as a reason to let him go.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Why didn't you call me or write me a letter or something?"

"You wanted a clean break. I thought about chasing after you and throwing myself at your feet but the thought of finding you with some other girl..."

"There were no other girls. Nothing serious at all, ever. The whole time I was there I only dated casually."

"Just enough to get regular sex, I dare say."

He narrowed his eyes and sat back.

"I had sex, sometimes. Do you want to know how many girls I slept with?"

"No," she cried, shaking her head.

"Not as many as you are thinking," he replied. "I wasn't a monk, but I never loved any of them. I only found companionship and sex, not love."

"Until you met her," Bella suggested.

"Who?"

"The one that got away, the girl you wanted to marry," she answered. Maybe he forgot he had told her.

"I didn't meet her at college," he answered shortly. "When did you start dating Jacob? Did you date anyone else?"

"Do you want to know how many guys I slept with?" she asked him back.

He shook his head.

"I didn't exactly date Jake. It's complicated."

"I am sure I can keep up," he replied.

"Okay. Jake helped me pull out of the fog and get back into life and I think we both overestimated our feelings and everyone wanted us to get married. I kind of thought 'why not?' It was okay at first, the first few years."

"Okay? Not great, amazing, fantastic?"

She shook her head.

"It was okay. Nice. Peaceful. Easy. Undemanding."

"It just seems strange to get married for what, mediocrity?" he puzzled.

"It was more to have a place in the world, to be someone again. And to calm everyone down and let them know I wouldn't... I mean, I would be okay," she finished quickly and started eating her ravioli in earnest. "This is great. Did you cook for this for everyone?"

"No, they went out to dinner."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

"I wanted some time with you, alone, just to talk."

"Tell me about her," Bella suggested.

"What's to tell? Have you ever been in love? Sometimes it sneaks up on you and doesn't hit you in the face with a lightening bolt, sometimes it's more about how you feel apart than together. Sometimes you don't realize until it's too late and she is gone."

"Did you sleep with her?" Bella asked. Well, they were sharing details.

"Yes, it was the only time I ever had sex with meaning. Made love. Of course, I didn't really know that at the time."

Bella refused to react to what that meant. They had been 'sex' then, not 'making love', in his eyes. She had got it so very wrong.

"She left you? For someone else?" she babbled.

"Like you say, it's complicated," he answered. "Sometimes you move on and it's not until you realize you don't have the same feelings for any of the others, and you try and replicate that relationship but you wait and wait and the feelings just don't come so you have to give up in the end and spend some time alone then try again. And again."

"Wow, she really did a number on you."

"No, I left her. I did a number on myself."

"Have you tried to get her back?"

"Oh, I am, I am trying, I don't intend giving up," he answered and poured her some more wine.

"But she has a boyfriend?"

"Not at the moment but she won't be alone for long, she is a very popular girl," he growled a little.

"Lucky her. Would you like desert? I baked when I still had a kitchen. I could thaw something out of the freezer."

"Sure, that would be nice."

"We could watch a dvd, or something. Wait, I don't have a sitting room, do I? We could watch upstairs?' she said hesitantly. It seemed a bit...strange? Forward?

He was chasing after some girl and she was taking him to her bedroom? The dogs would be there, they would keep them a safe distance apart.

"Fine, I love your bedroom. Who did it?"

"Oh, you remember Mr Torrens, our Art teacher? He got sick of mouthy teenagers and started doing interior decorating. He did it for me, and gave me a cut because I was his favorite student once," she grinned, blushing.

"He did an amazing job," Edward replied. She seemed a little starry eyed when she said his name. He wondered if there had been anything more between them? Age differences seemed to be irrelevant these days, nobody seemed to care any more or even be surprised.

Bella put the chocolate cheesecake onto a plate and covered it lightly and Edward carried their glasses and a new bottle of wine upstairs.

"So, what do you want to watch? Comedy, drama, action ?" she asked, pulling the box of dvd's out from under her bed.

Edward put the glasses and bottle down and sat next to her on the edge of her bed, and flicked through the covers.

"The Time Traveller's Wife? You haven't unwrapped it even. I thought all girl's on earth had seen it by now?" he teased. "Eric Bana."

"I'm reading the book first. Alice gave me both for my birthday last week, I haven't had time to finish reading yet."

"Then we won't watch that and ruin the ending. I remember how mad you used to get if anyone told you the ending of a book you hadn't read," he smiled.

"Well, it's just rude," she replied. "Prince of Persia?"

"Okay, the game was good, I haven't seen the movie."

"I haven't seen the game," she replied, putting the dvd in and sitting on her bed with her back against the headboard. Edward looked kind of nervous.

"Sit here," she said, patting the other side of the bed, the unused, empty side, and waiting for her hairy friends to jump up and join in. Lucy approached the bed and climbed up once Edward was sitting down, but she sat beside him on the outer edge, forcing him to move over closer to Bella.

Bella sighed. Little minx.

Cleo climbed up and settled on Edward's feet and went promptly to sleep.

Oh nice, deserted already.

He was a chick magnet alright.

At least she had Jake Gyllenhall to watch jumping about in a skirt.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward sat watching Bella as she slept at his side. She had lasted halfway through the movie but once the cheesecake was eaten, she wilted rapidly and he wanted to just stay and maybe fall asleep beside her. They were both still fully dressed, above the covers, innocent enough but just the idea of spending the whole night here was all he could think of now. He nestled down and felt the dogs desert the bed, and lay together in a doggy bed made for one. Lucy curled up around Cleo and they managed to fit together into the little cane basket. Edward wondered why Bella had not bought two baskets or at least a larger one if they shared and it was his last conscious thought of the evening. He had worked hard today after weeks of doing little, it was no surprise really.

In the middle of the night he woke to find his body curled around Bella's and he wondered if he should leave.

"Edward," she murmured. "Don't go. Don't leave me. Stay."

She seemed to be asleep and he was unsure if she was asking him to stay now or if this was some old dream, from before, when he had left her that time.

What was the right thing to do?

She was tolerating his presence in her life again, although it may only last until the house was done and the wedding over.

Damn that, he couldn't even drag the job out longer, easy enough to fake, but they had a deadline.

Bella snuggled in and lay her head on his chest so he decided not to disturb her. He knew he was clutching at straws but this might be the only night he got to spend with her so maybe she would forgive him if she assumed he fell asleep when she did. He kissed the top of her head silently, gently, hoping she wouldn't feel it then wishing she would.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward opened his eyes next to the sight of his Mother and sister peeking into the loft from the stairs. Bella was still asleep on his chest so there was little he could do. Esme smiled widely and turned Alice around and they both went downstairs, dogs following them. Soon the aroma of coffee filled the house and Bella woke, and to Edward's shock, she merely raised her head and smiled, before sitting up and sliding out of bed.

"Well it seems the Prince of Persia was not as exciting as the game, then," she said, stretching and grimacing at the marks on her hips from sleeping in her jeans.

"But it made an excellent sleeping pill, so worth buying," he replied, trying to match her casualness.

"The shower is downstairs, I will get you a clean towel," she said, and grinned.

"What is it about us and towels?" Edward joked, standing.

Esme and Alice greeted them both as if it was an everyday event seeing Edward walk out of Bella's bedroom. She gave him a bath towel and he went into the small bathroom and heard the women discussing whether to wallpaper one wall of the sitting room. By the time he was out, it had been decided and Esme was agreeing with Bella's choice of a white background with small mauve flowers scattered randomly across the roll.

Bella served him pancakes and he thanked her and ate in silence. He was not going to push his luck but maybe she would eat at their house tonight if he could ask Esme to ask her.

The kitchen was bare by the end of the day and Edward had fashioned the cupboard frames and was sweeping up the wood shaving debris when the females called him in to look at their room.

The front wall with the heavy wooden front door was still white, the inside wall with the fireplace that opened into this room and also into the eating end of the kitchen, was wallpapered and the two side walls were painted in the mauve of the flowers. Esme had hung white sheer curtains, but the outside shutters were now gone and would have to be replaced for any privacy to be maintained. The iron fireplace mantle and surround was glossy white and the original ceramic tiles were all shades of lilac to deep purple. The room looked amazing. Now she could put her furniture back in and have a sitting room again, so no more movie nights in her loft.

"Do we strip the floor and have it stained and polished or put down carpet?" Alice mused.

"A really dark purple medium shagpile would suit the room and make it warmer," Esme suggested and the girls agreed they would be shopping for carpet in the morning.

Edward caught Esme's eye. It was four o'clock, they would not be eating until seven but he wasn't sure if she had asked Bella yet.

"Well, I need to get home and get dinner started. Are you coming with me, Alice?" Esme asked.

"I will, I think we are going really well, one room down. We can start on the downstairs bedrooms tomorrow, then the sunroom, then the bathroom, it just needs painting, then the kitchen will be finished by the time we have all that done and we can paint it, then it's outside work. Come along, Mother. I plan to have a long soak in the bath before Jaz gets home. See you later, Bella. Dinner is at seven as usual."

Bella walked out with them and when she came back, he had cleaned up the shavings and tossed them into the skip.

"Are you walking the dogs now?" he asked. "I should go and fetch my dog and walk her as well."

"Good, I want to see what you bought. Nobody told me about your dog," she said. She knew that was her fault, the Golden Rule and all.

"You will love her," he laughed. "I'll be back in fifteen," he promised, and went to his car.

Bella gathered Lucy and Cleo and leashed them and gave the dogs a quick brushing. Edward returned and she looked at his dog and grinned.

"A sheepdog? Really?"

"I see we share a taste for sheepdogs," he laughed. "This is Izzy." He waited for her to say something about his dog being named after her but she just patted her and admired her grey coat and white head.

"The attendant told me Lucy should have a silver coat by now, he didn't know why hers is still black."

"Maybe she is just slow to mature. Some of us are," he grinned.

They walked together in companionable silence along the sand and when they got back, Edward showed her how to brush Lucy's coat against the direction it fell naturally so it stood up and puffed out fluffily.

"You will soon get the hang of it, it becomes second nature after a while. Start at the feet, up the legs, over the bum, up her back then do her head, chest and finally that whippy never still tail. They hate having their paws and tail touched."

"I have a book but I can't get past the puppy pictures. Aren't they totally adorable as pups? They look like little fat panda bears."

"Izzy was seven weeks old when I got her. I will show you her photo album tonight."

He offered to wait and drive her to theirs for dinner but she said she would need to feed the girls and get changed and it would be easier just to drive herself, so he left and looked forward to seeing her later.

Bella did their feeding and put out water and lazily showered and dressed, then walked around looking down into her sitting room, so pretty now. She felt warm and buzzed at how the cottage was shaping up. This was all happening so fast, she had expected to spend years even, doing all this work alone. Esme knew her stuff and Alice was a good worker, unafraid to do the hard stuff and the messy stuff. And Edward was wonderful. They all made a great team together, she thought.

Dinner was loud and fun with Carlisle delighted to have them all together again at last, and Bella reflected that this family was more like her own than her real family. Charlie was alone by choice, Renee was remarried and had moved on over fifteen years ago, she had never experienced family like this at home, and she was grateful the Cullen's had kept her and not expected her to disappear after Edward had. Esme always visited and invited her to dinner and she had even gone on vacation with them the years Edward hadn't.

It was as if they considered her as much their child as he was, and they split their time between the two evenly and fairly. She hoped it would not all end once he married and became more important than her when he fathered their grandchildren. The other problem would be, could she bear to watch that happening? Maybe they would leave her out more as time passed so when that happened , she may not mind the weaning process as she was gradually removed from the heart of their family. It would be easier not to have a ringside seat by then, to be just the old friend they waved to in passing and talked to at parties they all attended.

She had little doubt she would be alone from this point on. She had tried dating, after Jake, so she understood what Edward meant by waiting for the feelings to start and being disappointed when they didn't show. There must be other men out there she could have feelings for, it stood to reason. Maybe she needed to meet men who didn't live in this village. Maybe Alice would go with her to some club in Port Angeles after the honeymoon, and help her fish in a bigger pond. Even as she thought this, she knew she wouldn't do it. She never wanted to meet a man who made her vulnerable again.

She had her dogs and Alice would always be in her life and she would let her talk about Edward this time and not be so silly and closed off. Maybe he and she could be friends in time. What he had done was hardly a crime, most high school sweethearts split up to go off to different colleges and their relationships ended and their lives went on. They met new people, they got back into the swing of dating again, they continued with their lives. Her reaction had been vastly out of proportion. The aftermath was not his fault at all. She had no idea really why she had reacted so badly and had been so sure her life was over.

Bella had always suspected she wasn't quite normal and didn't fit in with most other people. Nobody else in this town had ever thrown themselves off a cliff over losing a high school boyfriend of two years. It was more the expected reaction after the death of a long term life partner.

None of that was Edward's fault.

He didn't even know and she hoped it would stay that way because he would probably avoid her like the plague if he found out.

The fact he tried to move on was just further proof of the differences in them. He had acted like a normal eighteen year old, off on new adventures in a new horizon.

She had failed. How many students missed out on college because they spent three months grieving in bed? She had seen people cope better when dealing with an actual death. Charlie had never stopped loving Renee but he had coped, he had continued working and living and providing for his child.

Maybe that was the difference. Charlie had the inescapable responsibility of a child to raise, she had been left alone, with nothing. Edward had been her entire world, sad as that was to admit. When they had been together, her friends and family had faded far into the background, she would have given them all up in a heartbeat if he had asked her to go with him to the city. She wouldn't have hesitated. A world without them was just a blip, her world without him had been a cold and empty Hell.

She would never allow herself to be in that deep with any man again but that seemed pretty easy to avoid, no man had affected her nearly as much as Edward. Jake's leaving had been so undramatic by comparison. Had Edward been her husband and cheated and fathered a baby with his lover, she really would have killed herself. She would have kept trying until she got it right.

It had taken years for the dark thoughts to leave but she was happy that they were gone now, meeting him again seemed to have cured all but the recurring memory of the conversation they had when he told her he was leaving and breaking up with her.

It had been so unexpected. She had assumed too much. Their distance apart had seemed like a bump in the road they would need to find a way to cope with, but he could have come back once a month, they would have kept their connection. He didn't want to try, because he didn't want her.

It had been that simple.

Once again she wished she was normal. Jess coped every time Mike had a dramatic breakup scene with her, she barely reacted these days, more or less saw them as a temporary period of madness on Mike's part, she just kept planning their wedding in his absence and waited for him to come back, tail between his legs.

Bella had coped with the loss of Jake so well, just like Jess coped, even though for she and Jake there was never any hope of a reunion. She hadn't ever considered taking him back.

Her husband, the man who promised before witnesses and God, to love her forever, something Edward had never done, had played away, left her, humiliated her, and she coped.

She seemed to get and do everything backwards.

After dinner Edward showed her the albums of puppy and growing dog photos and she wondered which of the girls that appeared randomly with him and Izzy was The One who he loved?

She saw Angela pop up suspiciously often, right from Izzy's puppy days. Bella didn't think the dog's name meant much, maybe it was what the breeder had named her already. Maybe one of his girlfriends picked the name. Maybe Angela had been a fan of Grey's anatomy but his dog was older than the show. Oh, Edward was a Gun's and Roses fan, of course! Anyway, she had always been Bella, not Izzy, so it had nothing to do with her at all.

The girls jumped all over her when she got home and she let them sleep on the bed with her just for the one night. She directed Lucy to the bottom of the bed so she lay across the width and only crushed Bella's feet, but Cleo wanted to lay beside her sister so they both slept together.

It was nice, so much better than being alone but she had enjoyed last night and had woken up twice, surprised but a little pleased Edward had stayed. It wouldn't happen again, she had a sitting room now. A proper, suitable place to watch dvd's with guests.

She read another few chapters about Henry and Clare and drifted off finally, tired but happy.

She smiled at the thought . It was a long time since she had felt happy.

xxx xxx xxx

Alice and Edward arrived together but after breakfast, the girls headed out to find that carpet and various other things Alice decided were essential, so it took a few hours and they took lunch back with them and all ate around the kitchen table. The skeleton frames of the cupboards and worktops were all done and Edward was fitting shelves and the sides. It was coming together nicely. The dishwasher space was optimistic, it would be some time before she had money for that, but she wanted that option. You never know what the future holds.

Alice was excited when the carpet layer arrived and they all watched in satisfaction at the pattern Bella had chosen. It had called to her the moment they entered the showroom. Almost black in places, lightening to swirls of deep purple, greens, lilac, even white patches, it was chaotic but beautiful. Alice and Esme had been cautious and unsure, but Bella knew it was perfect and she was proved right.

They crowded into the doorway to admire it as the tradesman finished and Edward impulsively grabbed Bella's hand and ran with her up the stairs, pulling her to the rail.

"Oh," she gasped as she looked down at her sitting room floor. It made so much more sense from up here, the carpet looked like a forest floor, leaves and flowers mixed together.

"Perfect" they both said in unison and laughed. Esme and Alice approached and leaned on the balustrade and Alice squeaked in glee.

"How did you even know and picture what it looked like from up here? You saw a foot square sample for God's sake," Alice queried.

"Sometimes you just know," Bella replied.

"Right, we need to move on, we should do the sunroom next," Esme decided. the public rooms were more in need of finishing than the two bedrooms, nobody would be seeing much of them, mainly they would just be a place to put coats and such at the wedding.

Bella frowned and took a deep breath.

"We need to sit down and see how far my budget is going to stretch. I kind of spent more than I should have buying this cottage but it gave me no choice, and what we have spent already..."

"Bella, dear, this makeover is on us. Carlisle and I insist, you are saving our house from being overrun with guests and having a massive clean up afterwards. It's the least we can do. I had them charge the carpet to our account."

"But they accepted my credit card," she replied.

"You paid for delivery! We were hoping you wouldn't notice we paid for the carpet itself," Alice admitted.

Bella hesitated.

"I really appreciate that but it is my house, I should just have what I can afford done."

"No!" cried Alice. "It's my wedding and everything has to be perfect. This is our way of saying thank you and your bridesmaid's gift is arriving soon, so be quiet, no arguing, get that paint tin open and come start on the sunroom. I think a pale yellow? Maybe a floral wallpaper on one wall? Or maybe two yellow walls facing one another and two wallpapered walls?"

By the end of the day, the sunroom had two pale blue walls with yellow trim and the wallpaper was the same blue, striped with yellow, with columns of daisies as the third stripe.

It was beautiful.

"I think the floor should be vinyl, more practical for cleaning, seeing you will use it a lot when you have kids," Alice nattered.

Bella stilled.

"More practical for the dog hair, anyway," she answered, leaving the room.

Esme looked devastated and Alice realized there was something here she knew nothing about.

"Mom?" she demanded.

They heard Bella call her dogs and leave, and the front door slammed and echoed behind her. Edward came in and lifted an eyebrow questioningly.

"I think I have to tell you both everything," Esme said.


	4. Chapter 4

The Cottage

Chapter 4

Truth And Consequences

"Edward, this is going to be hard to hear," Esme warned him as they sat at the kitchen table. She nervously picked at the peeling patches of paint and flakes fell and crumbled beneath her fingers.

"The day you broke up with Bella, she had done a pregnancy test."

Edward stopped breathing. Alice cried out a single "No."

She had never been away from her friend for more than two weeks so she knew there was no baby.

"She was expecting you to want to keep your relationship going so you devastated her by breaking up. She took to her bed for months and Charlie decided to move to New York when she refused to consider a termination. He wanted to force you to accept responsibility for her and the baby. Before that could happen, well, you know there is no baby. She was in the outpatients clinic for a scan and Carlisle was called in to consult. The fetus no longer had a heartbeat. She was 16 weeks, four months pregnant. She seemed okay and Charlie was called to take her home, she wanted a day or two to come to terms with having a curettage, and she gave him the slip that afternoon when he was briefly at the station. She jumped off the cliff at First Beach."

Edward paled further and gripped the edge of the table tightly in his hands, almost vice like enough to leave an indentation.

"Jake was fishing in his boat and he dived in and rescued her. She had to be hospitalized for the operation still, but Carlisle let her go home the same night and Jake stayed in her bed with her for days afterwards, just talking to her.

We all sat downstairs with Charlie and kept watch in case she tried anything more but Jake managed to gain her trust and she slowly recovered."

"Why wasn't I told?" he asked so quietly she almost quaked. Loud meant he was angry but coping, quiet meant he was devastated.

"We didn't know she was pregnant until Carlisle did the consult. And he couldn't abuse her trust and tell. I knew because Charlie told me, after the fall. We pieced it all together and realized why she did that terrible thing.

She had always kept hope things would be okay and work out but once the baby died..."

"I should have been told. No wonder she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, Edward. She has found a way to cope and she is even adapting to your return. Just leave the past where it belongs. Telling you before seemed like the wrong thing to do. You were happy, moving on, going out with your new friends, you had chosen to leave her and break up with her of your own free will. What was the point laying all this on you? There was nothing to gain, the baby was gone, she formed a bond with Jake, we didn't want anything to rock the boat. Charlie asked us not to tell you. Carlisle never could, of course and I agreed with Charlie, it was better letting it go. She moved on, you had already, it was done."

"I never knew," Alice cried. "She has never told me. I knew she 'fell' but she never even ever admitted she jumped deliberately. I have never known the truth, only suspected."

"Alice, we felt Bella would tell you if she wanted to, but now Edward is back, we really need to be careful about what we say to her. That comment about her needing vinyl floors for when she has kids..."

"I really wish she had told me. I have been going on about how cool it will be when Jaz and I have kids. But how come she accepted Baby Jacob? She has always been there for Leah."

"I think that is because Baby Jacob was not what she ever wanted. She had the opportunity to have a baby with Jake, he wanted it. She never considered it."

Edward stood and paced.

"Edward, I don't know if I should have told you now. There's nothing to gain. I just wanted to warn you to be really careful and don't start anything with her if you are not sure it's what you want. She sees you as her soulmate. She is keeping you at arm's length for obvious reasons."

"What are the obvious reasons?" he asked.

"Because you alone have the power to hurt her again. Jacob embarrassed her, you devastated her. Even at eighteen she knew where her heart lay."

"I wish she had told me," he whispered, his head in his hands.

"Edward, you were young and wanted to be free. You had moved on, before you even left. You didn't want to be tied down to a long distance relationship, like most boys your age wouldn't want either. You did nothing wrong and I am actually kind of glad in a way that she didn't tell you. Imagine how much worse it would have been if you had stayed, begrudgingly, not gone away to college. You would have resented her keeping you here and forcing you to have to be a father so young."

"But I loved her," he replied.

"You did, but you didn't know it then. Remember, it took you a full year of dating other girls to even realize they didn't mean anything to you. That she did."

"I didn't really date. I only went out in groups until she married him."

"And that was what you wanted to be doing at the time. Had you stayed, against your will, and then she lost the baby anyway, how would you have reacted? You were an eighteen year old boy with a lot of growing up to do. You were far more mature by nineteen, even. Now you are almost a good catch," she smiled.

"I need to talk to her," he said softly, amazed at how differently Esme saw things to how they had really been. He left the cottage, heading to the beach where he knew she would be.

He sat down beside her and looked towards the ocean.

"Esme told you," Bella stated flatly.

"I wish you had," he answered.

"I was going to, that day," she replied.

"You have no idea how much that would have meant to me. I wanted us to get engaged before I left, but you said so many things to indicate that was not a good idea. I wanted you to come with me, but then I sensed that was not what you wanted or thought was right for us. We would have worked things out. I wanted you, Bella, I would have wanted the baby. I always knew I would never find another you, no matter what James and Emmett said."

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

"Bella, you were the girl I wanted to marry. The one I loved but left behind. Jake beat me to it. I kept searching but I never found another girl I could care for. I love you."

"I love you, Edward. I always have but that doesn't mean we can be together. I never want to feel that way again, like death is better than life. I will never risk it. We can be friends but only if you accept that is all we will ever be."

"I guess that's all I deserve," he answered, sliding his arm around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry, about our baby, about your pain. I should have spoken up and talked everything through with you, made you tell me what you wanted and explained what I wanted. We were different. We could have made it work."

She relaxed against his side and put her hand in his, linking their fingers together.

"I do need you, in some way, we will make it work. We will be friends," she assured him.

"We are friends," he replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's to say? I got knocked up in senior Year in High school. I lost my boyfriend then I lost my baby."

"Bella, why do you say it like that? If you lose your car keys, then, yes, you are responsible. You should have hung them on a hook near the door or kept them always in the same place, but you didn't, so it's your fault they are lost. I left you, you didn't misplace me. The baby died, the pregnancy ended. Not of your choice and not because of anything you did. You did not lose the baby, you suffered a miscarriage."

"It must have been my fault on some level. Maybe it thought I didn't want it because I was so depressed."

"Did you want it?"

"Yes," she said flatly.

"Then it was not your fault. If anyone is to blame, it was me. I left you in a situation filled with pain and stress. I may have caused the miscarriage."

"Don't be silly, you didn't even know."

"Fine, then, neither of us caused it, it just happened. Agreed?"

She nodded.

"I want to see you and be with you outside of the cottage renovation, can we spend time together?"

"Edward, we can do anything you would do with any other friend. So long as it falls within the bounds of friendship, it's fine. Just don't push me or ever expect more and we shall get along fine."

"Hmm, I had a friend with benefits, once," he grinned.

"No, a normal friend. Like you and Rose. Keep to those boundaries," she smiled and slapped his arm.

"Are we good?" he asked.

"We are good," she confirmed.

"Glad to be back , friend," he smiled.

"Good, let's go back to the cottage. Esme and Alice are probably freaking out," Bella predicted.

"I think they went home."

The sitting room was furnished in stylish white furniture when they got back and Bella shook her head.

"There's no point even making a fuss, she will buy whatever she wants, won't she?" she sighed.

"Yes, but this is nice. The white looks great with the carpet and walls. At least Ali has good taste."

"Yes, I am sure I would faint if I knew what it all cost."

"Then just accept it in the spirit it is given. You know the only pleasure my family gets from having unlimited funds is buying things for their friends. Shall we order in some takeaway, friend?" Edward asked.

"Are you living here, now, friend?" she answered.

Edward jumped up.

"What a great idea. I need to get out of that house and I haven't found anything I like. I could rent a bedroom off you. Say yes, I need to stake my claim and paint it myself before Ali and Mom paint both those guestrooms pink or line the walls in polka dot wallpaper. I need a manly room."

"Okay but you don't need to pay rent, you can just do the kitchen and the shutters instead. Deal?"

"Deal, Miss Swan."

"You may call me Bella now we are friends," she smirked.

"You realize Izzy is part of the deal?" he checked.

"Of course. I want her here more than I want you," she smirked and he kissed the top of her head.

"She doesn't do renovations," he warned.

"No, but she is prettier than you," Bella retorted. That was hardly true, but it was worth the point.

Edward carried the TV and cabinet downstairs and they watched a movie in the sitting room while he decided which bedroom to take. One had French doors to the yard, but the other was larger and he could see his piano sitting in the French door room.

"Can I have both rooms?" he asked.

"Sure, I'm hardly going to have houseguests, seeing everyone I know lives in Forks. What are you planning?"

He took her hand and led her down through the kitchen into the first bedroom.

"If we paint this room all white, and I paint the frames on the French doors white, how amazing would my white baby grand look in here?"

"Oh my God, you are bringing your piano?" she exclaimed.

"I never go anywhere without it," he answered. "Then I will paint this room white as well, and have all white bedding and curtains and have the new shutters in white. It will look really good."

"It doesn't sound ultra manly," she commented.

"Whatever, when have I ever been? I'm not Emmett."

"True. Okay, this all sounds good."

"So, there is only one problem. I am used to soaking in a tub at least on Friday nights. There's no way we can fit a tub in this bathroom. But I suggest we open this up, get rid of the shower stall, and make it one of those open shower areas. We can rehang the toilet door so it opens out then put a small handbasin in there. Leave the bigger basin in here, mirror tile that wall, it will look amazing. The window is large for in a bathroom. How about we install one of those garden windows?"

"You can do whatever you like. It all sounds good but do we have time?"

"Well, once I move in, I can work at night when I have trouble sleeping, so there's a few extra hours each day."

"Wonderful. You may use my tub Friday nights, I won't peek," she promised. "Anyway, there's another dressing screen somewhere, we can put it up to screen off the view of the tub from the bed."

"I don't have anything new, you have seen me naked before," he reminded her. Bella knew that would be asking for trouble. He may have no doubts about his control but she didn't doubt hers would weaken and fuck things up. She knew she would at the very least be sneaking a look if he were naked in her tub.

" Why do you have trouble sleeping?"

He shrugged.

"I have never slept well since I left for college. But I am sure I will sleep better here. It's so quiet."

"Are you staying tonight?' she asked, throwing him off balance.

"Well, I don't appear to have a bed yet, " he said, looking around the room like one would materialize.

"You can sleep in my bed, Alice and I have shared a bed many times. You and I have too."

"Not so much as friends," he answered.

"You stayed the other night, so long as Izzy doesn't try to cram herself into the basket with Lucy and Cleo, things will be fine."

"I meant to ask, why do they share such a small bed?" Edward asked.

"Lucy ate hers," Bella replied and he nodded.

"Izzy eats clothes pegs."

"Lucy eats anything. I swear, I have crotchless knickers now thanks to her jumping up and swinging on my knickers when I hang them out on the clothesline to dry."

"What a clever dog. How handy, free knicker conversions."

"I don't wear them, I bin them. She is an expensive pet."

"Pity," he answered.

xxx xxx xxx

Edward climbed into 'his' side of Bella's bed and put his arm around her. She hesitated and he grinned.

"You know you will sneak over here in your sleep and lay your head on my chest, why fight it?"

She shrugged and did as he suggested.

"Just stick to the rules, Edward, and we can do this."

"I already promised, didn't I? Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward."

Amazingly she was asleep in seconds. More amazingly, he followed minutes later. Three dogs watched from the floor and settled down to sleep as well.

xxx xxx xxx

Morning announced itself as Alice came in the front door and dropped a box onto the sitting room floor.

"You do know what time it is, right?" Edward called down to her, from the bed.

"Sorry, we have deliveries today, kitchen appliances, we need to be ready to install the dishwasher and fridge,"

"I have a fridge but you can leave the dishwasher," Bella called out.

"This is a proper fridge, it has a freezer and everything."

"Mine has a freezer."

"Yes, but it's tiny. And it's ugly, Bella, this fridge is gorgeous. Get up, you two."

Alice was a little surprised after yesterdays revelations that Bella had let Edward sleepover but she had a feeling they had not consummated their reunion and it bothered her. She acknowledged all the warnings Esme had given them but surely if they just bit the bullet and got back together, everything would be great again. She had never fully relaxed in Bella's company since 'the fall' and she needed Edward to fix what he had broken.

Breakfast was a quick affair and then they told Alice about their plans for the two downstairs bedrooms and she agreed it sounded good, so she started painting while they worked together getting the kitchen ready before the delivery.

By nightfall both bedrooms were white with two coats of paint and she had taped the little glass panels on the French doors ready to be painted the next day. The kitchen now boasted everything but the cupboard doors and benchtops, which would be delivered in the morning, and the dishwasher and fridge were in place. Bella's small, well, tiny fridge got taken upstairs and sat in the corner, now only containing bottles of Coke, water and wine.

"It is really only a bar fridge," Alice pointed out and Bella admired the new big replacement in the kitchen. The dishwasher was exciting to her, no more dishes to hand wash, she had begged Charlie to buy one when she was growing up but he had never seen a reason to 'waste his money' on one. So easy when you never washed a single dish in your life.

Esme came around and hung the kitchen curtains and Edward explained what he wanted in his rooms and talked her through the bathroom renovation. Ali thought it sounded perfect for the little room, and Esme already had boxes of mirror tiles so she offered them up. They were leftovers from one of the bathrooms she had done in her own house, and she had changed the plan halfway through and decided the room had enough reflective surfaces.

Once she and Alice left, Bella went back with Edward to help bring over his clothes and some boxes and then they sat in her bed, eating takeaway Chinese food and looking through a furniture catalogue so he could choose a new bed for himself. He chose one with a white metal frame, and also picked out a free standing wardrobe and chest of drawers for his clothes as the bedroom only had a smallish closet. They were both painted white, he liked the idea of the bedroom being crisp and clean and easy on the eye.

He was delighted to be living with Bella, but he had the sense to recognize she firmly believed there could never be anything like what he wished there would be, between them for the forseable future. All he could do was stick to her rules and be her best friend and hope in time she would decide she wanted something more.

He figured he could invest four years easily, until he turned 30, before having to rethink if she remained determined not to allow him back into her heart. He knew it would be too hard to leave, even then. She clearly was enjoying his company and he loved that she slept so close to him at night. He hoped the sleepovers would continue and that she mainly wanted him to have his own bed for the sake of pleasing Charlie and others, so it looked like a bona fide house sharing arrangement. They weren't living together, they were sharing a house.

They walked the dogs along the beach after dinner and only returned back when the night air became too chilly to stay out longer. Izzy was welcomed into the pack and there had been no fights so far.

Bella showered first then was in bed when Edward came up. They assumed their usual position and she read while he played with her still damp hair. She read out passages of the book to him, when she found a funny or sweet incident, and Edward just lay back and enjoyed their physical closeness. It was far more than he had dared hope for yet, she was so at ease with him being in her bed already. Maybe Esme was right and she was so open because she knew they were meant to be together. Maybe one day her heart would mend and let him inside again. There was no way to hurry things along, but he had her in his arms, he was a lucky man.

He thought back to how strange it had been being with other women over the years. At first, after the initial shock of her marriage wore off, all he did was hook up and have sex, then that got old, so he started dating .

He always expected some connection to rear it's head and announce itself and he couldn't figure what was wrong each time. He dated a small, pretty brunette, Bree, not so different to Bella, for a year and nothing. She left him in the end and it took him three days to notice.

Next he went for Victoria, a willowy redhead, with a fiery temper but he couldn't connect, despite her unending appetite for sex of any variety. Emmett was very pissed when he broke up with her, he couldn't imagine a more perfect woman existed, apart from Rose, of course.

"Edward, there are probably about five women in the entire world who would bring home a friend for your birthday so you could have a fully sanctioned threesome with no repercussions and accusations afterwards, and you lived with one of them. And you left her. Please tell me you are mentally ill."

Sick at heart was what he was. Ashamed, embarressed he allowed that to happen. She may have been okay with it, he wasn't and he regretted it immediately. He couldn't even sleep with Victoria again after that.

He decided he was going about it all wrong and waited for the connection to show before he slept with any of the next five girls, which led to five sexless relationships that all ended when the girls gave up and moved on.

So, one final try. A statuesque Irish girl into women's rights and feminism and always vocal about any good cause, should it be animal rights, the environment, gay rights, she was always involved. She was so full of life and passion and such an eye catching female he was sure it would work. Another year wasted, she gave up the same weekend he had decided to call things to a halt, so they split amiably.

He then resorted to his fuckbuddy, a tall blond named Tanya, who wanted him solely for his body and he felt exactly the same about her. She was his friend with benefits.

Eight years, three full relationships, many semi relationships, five other sex partners, and here he was, back with the girl who started it all.

The only one who connected with him and he connected back with. He really had thought what they had was available with other girls, it had been a learning curve and a shock to him.

He couldn't take back what he had done, and maybe his days of being a sexual being were over for the next few years, but he had known he had to try to find love again once Bella married, and things had gotten a little out of hand.

Like everything in his life, it seemed.

He had to think about what he had left Bella to face alone and it made him feel both ill and heartbroken for her. He was amazed she even spoke to him, let alone let him lay here with her.

If he could swap all his trust fund for the chance to go back, knowing then what he knew now, he would have behaved so differently. He was sorry about how many women he had slept with but he had never imagined Jake would leave Bella, he was certain he would never have to explain anything to her again and so he thought he was only hurting himself. He hoped whatever happened she would never ask his number, because he really didn't want to tell her.

Not that she had kept herself for him. But he had talked to Alice and he suspected maybe their ex teacher Jack Torrens had slipped by Alice's eagle eye, but surely nobody else? Getting past Alice was like hiding from a pack of tracker dogs. But she had been in New York the two weeks Bella's loft was being done. That left her at three, and he was the first of those three.

Three compared to nine. It was too unbalanced. Maybe the universe would take pity on him and she would never ask. He could but hope.

xxx xxx xxx

Days passed in a blur of painting and sanding and refinishing floors and getting the outside of the cottage painted. Edward slept in Bella's bed and walked the dogs with her every evening and they ate and generally did everything together.

Alice took Bella off for fittings of the bridesmaid dresses the day Emmett and Rose and family arrived in town. Carlisle came over with Mikey to help him and they finished the final touches in the kitchen while Esme and the twin girls hung curtains and set up his new bed, and unpacked his clothes and boxes into his new room.

His piano arrived safely and fit in the French doors easily. He faced it to look outside at the yard and garden where the wedding was to be.

Jasper came over after work and they all worked on hanging the new white shutters so all that remained was the bathroom renovation. Carlisle knew a good plumber and bathroom man, so they decided it was worth the money to have him do the job professionally. He estimated it would take a week, all the time there was remaining before the big day.

Of course, the loss of the downstairs shower for a week meant he and Bella were restricted to baths and although at first he waited downstairs while she bathed and she did the same when he did, some nights she was already asleep in bed when he finished painting trims and the porch railings, or the never ending fences, so he bathed while she slept, and soon it just evolved into him bathing while she sat in bed reading. He caught her watching him now and then but generally, nothing changed and he became completely unselfconscious being naked in front of her.

She in turn, got into the habit of dropping her towel and stepping into the water in front of him or asking him to get her a clean towel if she forgot to bring one up, so he held out the pink fluffy towel as she stepped into it.

He wrapped her tightly and held her closely for a minute and she allowed it but still, by the wedding, he had to admit they had done no more than most friends did with one another.

He longed to kiss her on the lips. She allowed his little pecks on the top of her head and on her cheeks but he couldn't help wondering what it would feel like to kiss those full and pouty lips again.

The night before the big day, Alice kicked Jaz out so he slept in Edward's as yet unused bed, he had never quite made the move down to sleeping in his bedroom. Jasper thought that was encouraging and he keenly observed the pair together. Being a psychologist, he knew body language and watched how the reacted, working together in the kitchen, bathing and brushing the dogs, sitting together on the sofa.

He was somewhat perplexed as everything said they were a couple yet she had set the 'only friends' rules and stuck by them. Edward asked his opinion and all Jasper could offer was the belief she loved him completely and knew it, but she didn't know how to open her heart to him again, and maybe never would.


	5. Chapter 5

The Cottage

Chapter 5

Hit The Road, Jack.

Alice couldn't keep the tears from falling which annoyed her and she hoped waterproof makeup was just that. It was a mixture of everything, the day, the location, the years it had taken to get to this point, the knowledge Jasper's tiny baby was there with them, even though they were the only one's who knew. She had been beyond thrilled when the test, and the three back up tests, all showed positive and he didn't stop grinning even as she threw him out to go stay with Edward and Bella at this fully finished, perfect cottage. Tradition demanded they sleep apart that night, so it was strange, being in a big empty bed, for them both.

She was a lover of crisp, clean, modern apartments and had amazed herself by falling in love with Bella's cottage, and once she saw it, she knew her wedding must be held here.

Jaz said his vows, holding her gaze, and she hoped hers would come out sounding as beautiful as his. They both knew they were a forever couple from the first day he walked into Fork's High and she met him halfway across the car park.

They had hardly spoken that first day, but they both knew everything was a forgone conclusion and she had been saved the bother of dating and waiting for some boy to notice her or having to watch her crush date someone else. It was always Jasper and Alice and she assumed it would be the same for Bella and Edward when they met after he refused to keep attending the private boy's school Carlisle had put him in, hoping he would not be distracted from his music by girls.

The day he walked into Forks High, Bella had all but fainted at the first sight of him.

She and Alice had been friends but she had never met Edward on her few visits to their house, he was always in the music room upstairs anyway, so she had heard him play long before she met him. They were soon inseparable and Emmett was dating Rose and there it was, all paired up, all happy, a done deal.

Emmett and Rose headed to NYU together.

Then Edward started talking about liking NYU, Yale, and other far away colleges and Bella started to get nervous but it was merely because of the stories of how long distance relationships so rarely worked out. They all knew they were a forever couple.

Then Edward shocked them all. Alice knew he was wrong but he was such a determined and stubborn boy, she gave up trying to open his eyes and she sat back and watched the fallout of his decision.

Now she knew it was much worse than even she had known, and she wanted Bella to tell him to go to Hell, on one hand, on the other she wanted the Universe put back to rights and for them to march down the aisle along side her and Jaz.

Emmett hadn't mucked about, he had married Rose when they both turned 20, He considered that age the green light to marry, no longer a teen, now adults so on to the logical next adult step. Then the babies arrived, and he finished college a father of three. He had no regrets as such, Rose was the only woman he ever wanted permanently warming his bed. He knew he had panicked and made her legally his before he was truly ready but he considered that the better option than risk them breaking up or her meeting someone better than him.

He failed to understand Edward, he expected him to follow his example and marry Bella while they were both young, 20, maybe. and when Edward left her instead, Emmett assumed it must be about wanting to rack up as many notches in his bedpost as possible, then when he met Victoria, Emmett was baffled at his brother's attitude. He had the ultimate sex machine girlfriend, wasn't that what he had wanted? All his angst and shit over the threesome, you would have thought he had killed a hundred people, not spent a hot night with two consenting nympho's.

Then he finally stopped dating all together and started the sex thing with that hot Tanya. And still he wasn't happy. Emmett concluded Edward didn't know himself what he wanted and wished him luck and stepped back, no longer asking his brother about anything personal.

He was frankly shocked in the change of appearance of Edward this time. The man looked happy and at peace finally. Rose had simply said he was an idiot and could have had that all along, Emmett thought maybe Edward's life trip had been worthwhile. He didn't really regret his own decision to settle down so young, but he had wanted to enjoy living vicariously through his brother and Edward spoiled all his fun by not enjoying his freedom to explore all those other options.

The man was so halfhearted and regretful Emmett had suggested he give up and join a monastery for God's sake and stop whining.

Now the three men stood together, Jasper with Alice under the arch, Edward and Emmett beside it.

"So, back with Isabella," Emmett whispered.

"In a manner of speaking," Edward whispered back.

"But you sleep with her?" Emmett said, confused.

"I sleep in her bed."

Emmett shook his head.

"You are one weirdly fucked up dude," he hissed.

"Tell me about it," answered Edward.

"I hope you are making him beg and plead," Rose whispered to Bella.

"Nope. He knows the rules, I have no intention of ever being in a relationship again," Bella whispered back.

"Really? Why is he living with you, then?"

"We get along, we enjoy one another's company, we love each other," Bella listed. "We have matching dogs."

"Are you going to make him give you a baby?" Rose asked, and Bella looked stunned, then she turned and smiled.

"Rose, you are a fucking genius," she whispered.

"Thanks. Just because you don't want him as a husband doesn't mean he doesn't still owe you a baby," she replied.

Alice and Jasper walked back down the aisle together and Edward took Bella's hand then Emmett took Rose's and they all stood around until the photo's were done.

"You look amazing," Edward whispered into Bella's ear. Watching her walk towards him down that aisle had been the most bittersweet moment of his existence. The right setting, the right people, and it was a wedding. Just not their's.

The dance floor was set up over the pool, and the yard had been hung with tiny colored lanterns. Edward pulled Bella away from her in depth discussion with Jessica and Rose and started dancing with her in his arms.

"What were you three plotting?" he asked."You looked like a coven of witches, planning on using a spell on some poor unsuspecting male."

"Jess is getting fed up with on again/off again Mike and thinking of having a baby instead of trying to get him down the aisle."

"Really? She doesn't think the baby deserves a father as well?"

"Mike will always be around, he just can't take that final step," Bella answered."Her clock is ticking. Like me, she turns 27 this year."

"So, there's plenty of time, maybe if she lay it on the line and insisted he just make a decision, marry her or split up properly."

"Why should she have to start again? She has put up with his shit for years and now she wants a baby. I don't see anything wrong with her being the selfish one for once. She doesn't want some random guys kid and she doesn't want a new man. She wants Mike and she wants a baby, but if she has to settle for just one, she wants the baby. Now."

"Are you going to help her too, like you do Leah?" he asked.

"Actually, I'm considering having a baby myself," she answered.

Edward stopped in shock and felt someone tap his shoulder.

"May I cut in?"

"Jack," sang Bella, walking from his arms to their ex Art teachers arms. Her face was lit up with a smile that could stop a man's heart. Edward stepped back off the floor and watched her as the man swirled and twirled her expertly, watching Bella laugh and blush and he knew he had been right.

"Is that Torrens?" asked Emmett, standing beside his brother, eating chicken. The white kitchen table groaned with food, and there were several outside tables also bearing plates of goodies. Emmett had taken possession of this table here and was eating his way across the length, sampling every dish.

"Yes, I believe it is," Edward answered tightly.

"So, he's come back to the scene of the crime. Alice would have a fit if she knew about him and Bella. She would never have invited him."

"How do you know about him and Bella?" Edward asked.

"Mike The Weasel Newton told me. He took it as a sign she was ready for anyone, seeing she took an old teacher on. He meets up with his old gang, Eric, Tyler, you know, the loser gang of Forks High. They play darts and go bowling together. Yes, it's all fun and games in Forks."

"And Newton said they were an item?" Edward asked, frowning darkly.

"Not so much an item as her self awarded reward for surviving the divorce and standing by Leah, she decided she deserved some fun. I guess she didn't want her wandering Jake to be the last man she fucked. Can't blame her for that."

"Indeed," muttered Edward.

"Loosen up, you had a lot of sex partners for sport, why shouldn't she have one? Don't be a fucking selfish prick, Edward," Emmett scowled.

"I regret what I did, she looks like she has no regrets at all," he murmured, as she kissed the teacher, sorry, interior designer, on his lips and laughed as he took her to the bar set up opposite. Edward wondered if the man had ever come on to Bella at High School?

Anyway, wasn't he way too old for her? It was disgusting. Disturbing.

"You don't actually own her, you know," Rose said as Edward refused to look away.

"What? I know I don't own her."

"She was with him before you even came back. She isn't a mind reader. She probably assumed you were married by now. I mean, you did all that practising for the honeymoon at college."

"Stop it, Rose," he warned.

"So, she has slept with four men. Unless you have a lower number than that, stop the fucking judging. I think we all know you were with far more than four women, Edward."

"Four?" he questioned. He had figured three.

"Ha, don't think I am ratting her out to you," Rose laughed. "So, you obviously know about Jake , Jack and yourself but you can spend some sleepless nights figuring out who came between Jacob and Jack."

Rose walked to the bar and introduced herself, as she had never taken art, and joined in the merriment that was going on between the two. Edward went inside and leashed the dogs, throwing off his jacket and untying his bowtie. He took the dogs to the beach and kicked his shoes off and walked along the sand, his mind in complete chaos.

Bella was going to have a baby. Was he meant to be it's father or would Jack or Mr X have the honor? He was confident Jake was not a consideration, as Esme said, she could have had his baby anytime in the five years they were together. Should he offer? If she had a baby, he would prefer it was his. He would also prefer they were married but he knew that option was not on the cards even.

He let the girls off lead and mindlessly tossed stick after stick.

What should he do? How would Charlie and his parents react if he got her pregnant and she still refused to be a couple with him? Did he want a child with her? That one he knew the answer to. He wanted to make up a little of the hurt he had unintentionally caused her. She had carried his baby before, wasn't it nicer somehow if the new baby was his as well? And if he lived here while she had it, he could look after them and help her raise him. Or her. She probably shouldn't be on her feet all day while she was pregnant, but he could easily support her, support them all. Money would never be an issue, other than convincing her it was right to let him be the sole breadwinner.

Hours passed as he sat and thought and rethought. He thought about the past and about the baby he had not known about and the secret life Bella had somehow survived and he still hated Jacob for what he had done to her but he acknowledged he had hurt her worse and Jake had saved her so he was not all bad.

He owed Jacob for keeping her alive when he hadn't.

He fought against letting the truth into his consciousness, that he had made the girl he loved, want to die. No matter that he had no idea, it was his actions that led to her fall, and he had no way of coping with that knowledge. She was the very last person he wanted to hurt or see dead yet she had almost died because of him and the hurt had left her scarred in such a deep and permanent way.

He had to do two things, accept her and her terms and be grateful for every day she let him stay in her life.

And he had to do everything he could to make her life better, no matter what the cost to himself.

The girls left him alone and ran along the shore, playing some doggy form of tag.

He could hear the party winding down and car doors were slamming and people leaving and he was about to call the girls when he sensed her beside him, in the dark.

"That was some wedding," she sighed, sitting beside him in the sand.

"So, you and Jack? Is he going to be the father?" he asked.

"We actually discussed that once," she said. "But he and his partner wanted to raise the baby themselves."

"Why couldn't she have a baby herself?" Edward asked, surprised he had no even wondered about Mrs Torrens.

"Jack's partner is male, Edward, he is gay. Couldn't you tell? He is an amazing interior designer."

"You slept with a gay man?" he asked, astounded.

"No, we were going to go the artificial insemination route but I decided I was too selfish to give up a child of mine. When I have a baby, I intend keeping it."

"But Mike, and Emmett, and Rose, they all said you had sex with him."

"And they would know how? Have they hidden spy camera's in my bedroom? I offered to tell you who I slept with and you didn't want to know. I may be wrong, but I suspect the reason you are so uptight is you fear telling me about all your college encounters. I am not stupid, you could have any woman you wanted and I am sure you had your share. I don't want to know, unless you have children with any of them? Or you are still seeing them?"

"No and no," he replied. "I don't see any good could come from telling you who and how many. I told you I didn't love them, isn't that enough?"

"Sure. I only loved one man, and that was you. Is that enough?"

"Yes but Rose said you were with four men and now I am wondering if that's true and who the other two were."

"Ask and I will tell you," she said.

"No, that's not fair. I'm not telling you."

"I don't want to know. If you want to know, I will tell you. Last offer. If you don't ask now, then we never discuss it again."

Edward considered this but the fact she had never left Forks meant he was probably going to meet these men at some point. And want to hit them.

"No, I don't want to know. Have you been tested?" he asked.

"Of course. You?"

"Yes, regularly."

"Same here," she replied. "You can't be too safe these days."

"So, you want to have a baby?" he asked.

"I am thinking about it. I don't see why I can't, nobody cares about nuclear families any more. Except Charlie."

"I do. I greatly prefer children to be born within a marriage. Especially my children."

"Then I won't even ask you to father it," she replied

"Bella, Marry me," he begged. "You can have all the babies you want. I would be a good father, and I will love you forever if you let me. Even if you don't. Please."

"No, Edward. I can't. You know why."

"But I would never leave you again."

She sat in silence.

He felt for her chin and lifted it and looked at her tears in the moonlight.

"You don't trust me, do you?" he asked.

"I don't trust anyone, Edward. I don't think I ever will."

"I did this to you," he sighed.

"Don't forget Jake. You shattered me, he gathered me up and tried to glue me together then kicked the pieces into the dirt."

They sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Edward spoke up finally.

"I would be honored to give you my baby, no strings attached. Just let me help you raise it. As friends."

"Thank you, Edward."

He sat her on his lap and wiped away her tears.

"How do we do this? When?"

"I would wait but Ali told me.."

"She is pregnant! I knew it!"

"I would love to have my baby close in age to hers. We will always be friends, it would be great to have kids in the same class, like she and I were."

"Well, then, we had better make a start. Do you have a turkey baster?" he asked.

"I thought we could just...we have done that before. Many times. Is that okay?."

"Fuck yeah," he cried. "Sorry, but I have dreamed of this for so very long. Can we go home now?"

"I think everyone will be gone by now. Alice said thanks for hanging around and seeing them leave."

"Oops. That was rude of me but I thought it was the lesser of the two evils. I was thinking of punching Jack in the face."

"Better that you left then. Are we telling anyone or just hitting them with the news when it happens?"

"I think this is our business, alone. I say invite them to the baby shower and let them figure it out from that. You will let me stay living with you?"

"As long as you want to but what happens when you meet someone? Does she move in as well or do you leave?"

"What happens if you meet someone? Same questions. It's your house so I assume I have to leave then."

"It's different for me, I don't want anyone else. Ever. I would rather be alone, with just my baby, and you, while you want to stay."

"If we do this, I will commit myself to staying with you and the baby for as long as you want me there. I will not date other women. I will not bring women home for sex. I don't know what I will do, but I will never bring anyone else into your home. It would not be right."

"So, you could have a sex buddy? Is that the term? And go to her place?"

"We need to spend tonight talking about this and make sure we both really want to do it. And work out some rules. I would want my name on the birth certificate. I would want everyone to know I am the father and I would want visitation if you did kick me out."

"I guess, ideally, if it's just sex, it would be better if I were your sex buddy so there is nobody else involved? Or is that too wrong?" she asked.

"That would be ideal. But you have to know I love you and I can't pretend otherwise. I would be making love to you, can you handle that?" he replied.

"I guess I could. I don't like the idea of sharing you. But you know although I do love you, we won't be a proper couple? People will assume we are, and I won't deny it, but we will know."

"I've spent a lot of years fantasizing that I was in bed with you, not anyone else. I think this is as close as it gets to what we both want. I will just fantasize that you love me back," he said.

They walked home, followed by three dogs and left the girls in the new bathroom for the night. Edward put the dog baskets Cleo and Izzy owned in and a blanket as well in case they wanted to lie separately. Everyone had gone, and there was the mess, but there was always tomorrow. Tonight was just for them.

They both undressed and stood naked together. Edward opened the covers and climbed into bed.

"So, we have talked everything through?" he checked as she slid in beside him. "We live as a couple, we share this bedroom and this bed, we conceive the baby naturally, we both raise it and have equal custody, we don't date or sleep with, anyone else. Not without the other's permission and renegotiating together. We make love together reasonably often, and I am allowed to love you?"

"I love you too," she added quietly.

"You love me too. I don't press for more, no wedding, can we be engaged?"

"No, that is like agreeing to marry."

"Can I buy you an eternity ring then? I will love you forever and that is all an eternity ring means."

"Okay, you can buy me an eternity ring," Bella agreed.

"So, when will you ovulate?" he asked as he stroked her stomach gently.

"I think it's too late this month, it's Day 17."

"Good. We need time to get used to just touching again, Bella. We don't make love until we are both ready, okay?"

"Okay."

Edward slid his hands onto her back and sighed with joy. Bella was his, as much as she could be. As much as she had it in her to give him. She was delicate and he knew better than to force any promises. Maybe she would change her mind one day and marry him but if so, it would be a wonderful, unexpected bonus. A piece of paper was not worth upsetting her for, she loved him and saw him as her soul mate so what more could he ask? He shut his eyes and recalled her walking down the aisle today. That could be his image of their pretend wedding. It would have been just like that and he would have written something beautiful to say to her and she would have said something back, some words he could treasure.

It made him think of an idea.

"Let's have some sort of commitment ceremony, just us, nobody else," he suggested.

"When?" she asked.

"Tomorrow after the yard is clean and pretty again. We could set up a camera a get photos. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. It's just for us."

"I like that idea. What will we say?"

"Whatever we want to. Nobody will be listening or judging or having expectations. We can just say as much or as little as we want. Just be honest and say what you feel, not what you think I need to hear."

Bella was looking at him, trying to see his mood. She leaned over and placed her lips on his. Edward responded and her mind slid back in time.

xxx xxx

Her sixteenth birthday. They had been together almost a year but had not made love as yet. She was surprising him tonight, when he snuck into her window as usual. Charlie was working, and she slid into her bed naked. She checked her bedside drawer again. Condoms, one packet. Lube, one tube. Paracetamol tablets. Baby wipes, apparently in case of mess. One towel already in place beneath her lower torso. Alice had advised her of all likely outcomes, pain, blood, soreness.

Edward opened the window and jumped lightly on the floor. He paused to smile at her and climbed up to lay as always, outside her covers.

"Edward, I want something else for my birthday," she whispered in his ear, afraid to say the words out loud.

He kissed her and reached for her breasts, under the covers and stiffened when he found her topless.

"Charlie is out all night, I am sixteen, otherwise known as legal, and I want you to be my first."

"Tonight?" he asked, his voice high in anticipation.

"Right now," she replied.

He stood and shed his clothes, standing there before her in his boxers only. They had never been naked together. He slid into her bed, and eased them off, and kicked them out onto the floor. Bella reached and stroked his chest and he leaned above her and kissed her, moaning at the thought of what was beneath him. A naked Bella. Naked! He had never expected this. They had felt each other up, many times, she had always been willing to let him caress her breasts, above or below clothing. He had slid his fingers along her folds and felt inside her but this was the real thing.

Wait until he told Emmett! And Jasper. Neither would believe him, that was for sure. He racked his brain, Emmett had been offering the boys tips for years now, and he had always half listened but he figured he would never get Bella to agree to full sex until they were at college at least.

This was an opportunity of a lifetime!

Wait, no condom! Shit, and after Emmett had given him a packet for his birthday, telling him sixteen was the charm, the girls would want him now. And he was right! Well, one girl, his girlfriend, the first girl he had kissed or touched, or even liked, was now offering him that ultimate prize.

"I didn't bring anything, you know, a rubber."

"I have a whole packet, from Alice, of course. I would never be game to buy anything in Grant's, they would be sure to tell Dad if I did," she giggled.

"I expect Alice stole them from Emmett," he said. Bella opened her drawer and handed them to him.

"The little monkey, these are mine! Emmett gave them to me. See, he wrote on the box.'

_Many happy returns, Studley Doright. Go get some, bro!_

Bella laughed.

"Studley Doright? Who named you that?"

"Emmett of course."

"So, should you put one on?" she asked.

"I guess so," he replied, opening the box and pulling out a silver foil packet. He ripped it open with his teeth and pulled it loose.

"So, what size?" Bella asked.

Edward scowled.

"What size is what?"

"Do they come in different sizes? Like, aren't some races meant to be, you know, bigger there?"

"Bella, if you want me to do this, you better start telling me I am the biggest ever or something. If you want it, you know, hard."

"I could rub it," she suggested.

Edward eased in closer and took her hand in his and placed it right where he wanted it.

Fucking A, that didn't take much, did it? He was hard already.

Bella stroked him gently and he drew in a breath.

"Fuck, that feels awesome."

She looked into his eyes and rolled him onto his back.

He frowned, wasn't he meant to be on top of her?

She slid down his body and opened her mouth and did that thing every boy his age dreamed of. He was inside her mouth! She swirled her tongue around and he felt a jolt every time she hit the tip.

"Fuck, Bella."

"Do you want me to stop?" she asked, holding his dick in her hand as she spoke.

"Hell no," he replied and she started again.

Bloody hell, who taught her this because she was fucking awesome.

He felt his stomach tighten and he tapped her shoulder madly, he was coming already, she had better move now. Emmett said always give the ladies the chance to pull away, in case didn't want you doing that inside their mouths.

"Bellaaaa..I.."

She swallowed and he though he died and went to Heaven.

She pulled off him with a pop and grinned.

"So?"

"That was...that was just...fuck Bella! Who taught you that?"

"Rose. With a banana and a ton of lollipops, she had Alice and I practising every afternoon when we are studying together."

No wonder they giggled constantly when doing their homework, he often had all sorts of ideas about why there were such sounds of merriment when they were all in there together. He had..you know.. done stuff while he listened through the door, moving his hand rapidly inside his jeans as he listened and prayed they didn't open the door without announcing it in some way first. So far he had never been caught.

He lay back and shut his eyes. His dick was soft now so he imagined tonight was a fail as far as doing anything more to her, but he had forgotten the magical powers of her womanhood and she grabbed his hand and shoved it where her panties usually covered. She had let him inside with his fingers via one leg hole of her panties pulled out of the way but he had full access in her nakedness and it felt so much better.

"Lick me," she suggested.

He opened her folds with his hands and looked at her pink and glistening sex. One lick and his dick was hard as a rock.

"Okay, condom on now," she said, and he tried to hold it still and roll it down.

"Edward, shall I do it?"

He handed it over and she slid the rubber in place.

"Oh Edward, you are so large, much larger than a porn star," she breathed out, right beside his ear. His whole body shivered and he wondered for a moment how she knew what size porn stars were? Alice, Rose, take your pick, they were both horny little females, always wanting Emmett and Jasper to do them.

She squeezed out lube onto her hand and coated the condom on his dick and he hoped he wouldn't embarrass them both my coming again at her touch.

He slid into her entrance and she stiffened.

"Does that hurt?" he asked, anxiously.

"Rub my clit, with your fingers," she instructed. "Use this."

She smeared a little of the lube onto his fingers and he rubbed her again, quicker and felt her respond.

He wondered if the girls had written all this down for her somewhere.

He rubbed her gently, and she bucked against him and he slid further inside. It was so tight in there, but he knew he had to push on in and do this, for them both.

Emmett would never shut the fuck up if he didn't get this right. No doubt Rose and Alice both knew what was happening here tonight, girls seemed to tell one another everything.

He felt resistance and he pushed harder until he felt it tear and he was in, deeper, more tight than ever.

Fuck, every thing he had experienced tonight, it was all awesome, but this topped it off.

He pulled out and pushed in, experimentally.

Oh God, yes, that felt good.

He did it again and his hips bucked and surged in closer, deeper and he almost blacked out at the sensation.

He quickened his pace and leaned in to kiss her, and he felt his tongue on her tongue and his entire body was alight, on fire, flames licking at his dick in particular. He raced faster until he felt that feeling that told him he was as good as done.

"Bellaaal, Bellaaa, God, I love you!" he yelled as he jerked and filled the condom.

His body collapsed onto hers and he tried to breathe in deeper and get some air inside his lungs.

When his heart slowed back to normal, he sat up and eased himself out of her before he went soft again and carefully help the lip of the rubber as he headed into the bathroom to take it off and flush it. In the darkness he failed to see the water in the toilet turn scarlet.

He dried himself off with a towel and went back to her bed. She was wiping herself with those baby cloth things and there was blood! Fuck, what had he done to her?

Nobody said anything about blood.

"Bella, we should take you to a hospital or something. I must have hurt you somewhere. I got it wrong," he cried out in fear.

"Edward, this is what happens the first time. It's fine, just messy."

She wiped the blood away and dropped the wipes into the waste paper basket beside her bed.

Bella stood and grabbed a towel and covered the front of her body. He wanted to growl and pull it away again.

"Should we get into the shower together?" she suggested and he definitely wanted to do that.

Seeing the smears of blood on the inner thighs affected him in a way he was surprised to feel. He knelt in the stream of water and gently sponged it all away and kissed her thighs gently.

He stood again and wrapped her in his arms, his head bent to kiss the top of her head.

"I love you, Bella. You are awesome and I will always love you. Thank you for this."

He hugged her close and then stood back and washed the rest of her body.

She allowed him to touch her everywhere and he dried her off with a towel before drying himself.

"Do you still like me?" she asked as they lay entwined in each others arms in the dark.

"Of course, now I love you more. Why would I not like you?"

"Renee said girls who sleep with boys are cheap and boys soon lose interest in them. But Alice said make sure your first is someone you want to remember forever because you will, whoever he is. I want to remember you, even if you don't like me any more."

"Well, Alice is right and Renee is wrong. I want to always remember you too."

"Do you think we will get married some day?" she asked.

Edward considered this. If he married anyone, he thought he would probably choose her, because she was the prettiest girl in Forks. Even if Rosalie thought she was, that title belonged to Bella. Anyone with eyes could see that. Ask Mike, or Eric or Tyler, they all looked at her like they wanted to be him. He was so lucky.

Although that had been the best thing ever to happen to him in his sixteen years on earth, he wouldn't ask her to let him do it to her too much, he didn't like the blood and the thought she had not enjoyed it like he had.

"Can I make you feel happy with my fingers?" he asked, kissing her gently.

Bella nodded and he caressed her gently until her body shook and she called out his name and he felt like the king of the universe.

"One day soon we will work out how to make you come while I am inside you," he promised. He wanted her to feel as special as she had made him feel. She lay her head on his chest and he surrounded her with his arms.

"I promise, if I ever marry anyone, it will be you, my Bella."

"I only want to marry you, no-one else," she replied.

"What! Not The Weasel or Jacob Black, or Two Faced Tyler or Extraordinarily Ordinary Eric?"

"Don't tease, me, it's not my fault I attract the best and the worst Forks has to offer," she sighed.

"Which am I?" he asked.

"You are the best, Edward. I would only give myself to someone I loved who was the best for me."

"I can't believe you let me inside you. I never expected that. You are amazing, my Bella."

"Are you going to tell Jasper and Emmett?" she asked.

Edward considered. He would enjoy bragging about finally becoming a man but it seemed too personal. This was a them thing.

"I think I would rather keep this just between us for a while. Alice isn't hiding in your closet or anything, right?"

"No, but she swears she can tell when any girl does that for the first time. She says we look different and can't hide it from her."

"She is annoyingly accurate about things. You can tell her if you want to," he conceded. He hugged her in close.

"Bella, are you okay? I didn't hurt you too much, did I? I'm sorry I was so selfish, I kind of forgot, it felt so amazing."

"It's okay. I am fine, I did kind of spring this on you. I'm sure we will get better at it with practice," she grinned.

"Really, we will be doing that again?" he grinned back.

"Definitely. Are you staying all night?" she asked.

"Of course, I need to know I didn't hurt you. Are you sure there's no more bleeding?"

"I'm fine, just relax. I love you, Edward."

"I don't think there's any doubt about that. I just can't believe you let me do that."

"You can do it anytime you want, I feel like I am yours properly now."

Edward looked at her in surprise. He had always felt like she was his. But he understood this was a really big thing to a girl, giving herself for the first time and he would always adore that she chose him. He never felt particularly special even though many girls hankered after him, he only felt special with his Bella.

When she woke him later in the night and asked him if he wanted to do it again, because she did, he touched her clit and made her come first then slid inside her as she still pulsed in pleasure. He was able to slide in easier and she was happy already so he didn't feel any guilt as he moved inside her until he exploded again and filled another condom. She didn't bleed this time so it was better, she was right. One more practise in the morning, rubbing her clit as he pounded in and out, brought them to the brink and they finished together, and he felt like he had gotten things right for them both, as she gasped in air and their hearts pounded together.

"So, you like it that time?" he checked.

"Mmm. That was awesome," she answered and Edward felt himself burst with happiness. His girl, his Bella, she would always be his girl and he had laid his claim on her.

They were together many times after that. Their lovemaking became just part of who they were and nobody actually figured it out for almost a year. Bella was still taunted by the so called A List girls who called her Virgin Swan, Emmett still rubbished Edward and told him he was going to end up a 40 year old virgin.

That made their secret better, and he worshipped her body as much as her beauty. They lay entwined in her bed most nights, and Charlie even gave up and simply lectured Bella on being safe and sent her to be put on the Pill, which led to even greater delight, making love without a condom! Edward almost wanted to kiss the man.

James started at Forks High in Senior Year. Emm had gone to college and was constantly bombarding his brother with tales of how amazing it was to find out how much more the world had to offer. He spoke of Forks like the one horse town it was, and Edward visited him and was amazed. The music stores alone seemed like reason enough to want to live in such an amazing city. The campus at NYU was like a whole new world to the boys who had grown up in a small town in the back of nowhere. The music department there seemed like a door in Heaven and Edward sat in on a class unnoticed, watching and listening and feeling like he was finding the place he wanted to be.

Medical schools were such hives of excitement, he and Angela toured them together and wondered if they would actually make it here, it was easy being the brightest and smartest in a town the size of Forks but these students came from everywhere, even overseas. Edward was excited. If he could do medicine and music as well sometimes, he would be in his element.

Bella noticed the change in him when he got back. He and Angela became closer friends, and she felt excluded when they talked excitedly about all things New York. She had been to Phoenix to see her Mom, that's about as travelled as she got.

She hated James or, more, she hated how Edward acted differently around James.

James was sleeping his way through the Senior year and was always cornering her in the lockers or anywhere he could spring out unseen.

"You need to broaden your horizons. Come on, you cannot be happy just screwing Cullen. Come experience a real man. You can bring your friend, Alice," he taunted. "I can take you both on. I have done three chicks in one night, no problem."

Bella had told Edward but he dismissed her fears as he felt James was all talk, but at parties, when he listened to James' supposed experiences, he did find himself wondering what it would be like to sleep with other girls. He would never cheat on his Bella, he did love her, but he was growing restless. He felt Forks was not big enough to provide what he wanted to experience. James introduced him to alcohol and his special little cigarettes, and Edward started to feel too big for this town.

"You would not believe what the girls in NY are like, Edward, they are up for anything, I do mean anything. Think of your wildest fantasy, your best porn dvd, they will do that stuff as just a first date thing, and they don't expect you to love them. You don't have to mention marriage, they don't want to tie you down and insist you give them babies and put you on the treadmill so you work your guts out and come home to some fat wife who complains all night and refuses to have sex because she just had a baby, or because her ass is sacred and she won't let you stick it in there. It's different there. Girls who grow up in the city know how to party, I can't wait to get back. Fuck, I hate this backwater."

Edward felt confused and his dreams started to change and he would awaken with strange new thoughts in his head. When he talked to Emmett about it, Emmett said he was too young to be tied down, he didn't regret what he had done himself but he acknowledged he may have settled down with Rose a little too quickly, the girls here in NY were quite amazing. He only looked but he admitted to Edward, had Rose not kept such a tight leash on him, he may well have tasted a few other flavors before she got him down the aisle.

"Don't do it, little bro," Emm said drunkenly at his wedding reception.

"This is not for everyone, you should try a few other girls, don't settle for just one. I don't think men are meant to get married until they turn thirty, and have had sex with a whole lot of different women. I would never hurt Rosie but sometimes it is hard, Edward, when some hot chick makes it clear she would welcome me into her bed for a bit of fun and games.

College girls are out for fun. I go to Rose some nights and have to remind myself to think of her, if you know what I mean. That bikini contest, fuck, that image of those girls...Rose wondered what the fuck I had been smoking, I was on her all night. Have some fun, Edward, there are plenty of girls who want to settle down, just go find one when the fun girls wear you out. Or go back to Forks and marry Bella then, she will wait for you. Fuck, have you seen the girls in that sorority, come stay with us again and I will show you the delights closed to me. I feel like a fucking old man, Edward, I shoulda had some fun first."

James picked up on his new mood and played it to the hilt.

"Emmett's right, it's a crime against nature to get cosy so young, before you know who you are. Oh, I know, you lurve Bella, but you are not doing the right thing by her, either. She wants a small town life, you want to travel and get the fuck out of Washington. So, you think you are doing right by her, go marry her now. You are almost eighteen, go marry her and get her pregnant and stay in Forks and flip burgers for a living go home to hear her tell you how you stopped her finding herself. Yeah, that's the right thing to do. You know Black wants to fuck her, and she told everyone she wants to fuck him and see how different it feels, just as some social experiment. Swan is retarded!

Let her go see if she really does like you the best. How can she like you best if she never tried it with anyone else? You are fucking insane, you know that? What do you think will happen if you move to NY? She will be off with Black, and probably Weasel, and fucking them silly and awarding points and picking the best of you to keep. And you will be all chaste and sitting in your dorm writing her love notes. Bah, you are an idiot. Never make a life choice based on a woman, there a millions of them, and a lot better looking than Swan."

Edward ignored his jibes but between him and Emmett, he did start to feel very small town and he did want to experience more of life. Jessica and the Weasel announced their engagement and Mike had the look of a condemned man.

"Is she preggers?" James asked, and Mike shook his head.

"Then what the fuck,man. Tell her to fuck off. You are in High School."

"I love her," Mike answered, looking down at his hands.

"Oh, another blind fool who thinks an eighteen year old could possibly know what love feels like. God, you guys need a life. It's a scientific fact, men do not know what love is until they hit 25, before that it's lust and guilt, they make you feel you owe them because they let you fuck them. That's all it is. And she won't thank you. Tell her to go to SeattleU and have some fun and come back after that. Four years apart, you two will still be 'in lurve' if it's real."

Jessica threw a major tantrum when Mike announced he wanted to go to college before they got engaged, and Mike demanded the ring back and Bella raised her eyebrows.

"They are crazy, they should not bethinking of marriage yet. My parents got married straight out of High School, it doesn't work," she said, packing her books away.

Edward felt the small velvet box in his pocket and decided he had almost made a big mistake.

He had thought lately that he loved her more than she loved him and he had pretty much decided whatever Emmett and James said, they did not have to be right.

He and Bella were different, they did know what love was. He knew he loved her and wanted to be with her and he wished he could give her his grandmother's ring and have her accept it. He didn't want to turn into some manwhore and sleep with a lot of girls, the thought scared him. He knew he could not stand in the way of her education and take her with him to New York, Charlie could never afford the higher fees so she had to attend SeattleU.

He wanted her to wait for him. He would be back after the course, they could make it work.

Emmett's friend Marcus came home once a month, it was working for him and Jane.

She was always waiting patiently for him and Edward knew they could do it too. Some eighteen year olds did know what real love was.

James' party was the eye opener. Edward was grabbing a beer and went in search of the bathroom before returning to Bella. He opened a likely looking door and gasped and exited fast.

Jane was sitting on the vanity basin with her skirt up around her waist and Aro the Italian exchange student was banging her silly. Marcus had needed to study this weekend so hadn't come back. James laughed at his face.

"Edward, you didn't really think Jane was being a good girl, did you? I bang her myself on occasion. She would let you, she asked me if you would be up for a threesome with us, in fact. Can I tell her yes?"

"No," he barked.

"Girls who have had sex don't just give it up, Edward. You give them a taste for it, they want it more and more. You know that's the truth, look at Alice and Rose."

Edward scowled at him and went to find Bella.

Alice and Jessica had her in a huddle and he waited patiently, sipping his beer.

"Well, maybe Marcus should have made more effort to come home, she isn't a nun," Jess said.

Alice looked annoyed, and Bella looked resigned.

"It's too hard for most couples to make it work at this age. Look at my parents. There wasn't even anyone else involved, they just got married way too young and had me and stuffed up their lives. No way should girls marry until they are around twenty seven, minimum. You can't make life choices at eighteen."

Edward walked away. Even Bella doubted his love for her, it seemed. He and Jasper started a game of pool, and he watched the usual parade of hopefuls get Bella drinks and hang around her, wanting a crumb of her attention. Mike and Jess were walking towards the house, arguing loudly.

So much for true love, Edward sighed.

xxx xxx

"You and Edward would make it, though," Alice said surely.

"Oh, I know we will. I just meant , the average couple, like Mike and Jess, not us. She is so much more ready than Mike. I figure by the time she is 27, he will be about 21 maturity wise and maybe ready to marry her. You have to make special allowances for the chronically emotionally retarded."

"Good, I feared you were talking about yourself. You know it would work with you and Edward, regardless of your ages. Renee stuffing up doesn't mean you will too."

"Alice, I was born older than my mother. She is an eternal teenager. I swear I was raising her when she lived with us and I was in elementary school. I used to leave little notes around the house, reminding her of what she needed to do each day then I would get home and actually turn the washer on, or thaw out the meat for dinner. Renee is a flake, but Mike is as well. They remind me of one another. They need a parent, not a partner."

"That's true and so long as you don't make assumptions that you and Edward are too young as a result..."

" It isn't some crush between us, you know that. It's real and solid and like you and Jaz. We know, but don't encourage Jess to get engaged, Mike is not anywhere near ready."

"It's strange how different people the same age can be. I feel like Jaz and I could marry today and make it work."

"I know, Edward and I could too. Renee remarried at 27 and she was the emotional age of a teen still. It's amazing she and Phil have lasted. I think she will be the right age to marry when she hits 65."

Alice laughed.

Jane walked out of the house and started talking to James and he looked around stealthily.

"Looks like they are wondering where to go to screw each other," Bella said.

"Jane is a slut," Alice commented.

"Jane has always been a slut. She was banging Tom before Marcus left, you know."

"Really? So it's not a distance thing at all?"

"No, it's a Jane is a slut thing."

"So, if Edward wants to get engaged before he goes to NY, are you going to accept?" Alice asked, sure this was what he had in mind.

"Of course I would. So long as he understands it will be a long engagement and we won't be going down the aisle until I finish at SeattleU in four years. I could do 22."

Alice laughed.

"You would live with him tomorrow if he asked," she said.

"Why wait? I would live with him today, if that was what he wanted."

"What about college?"

"If it meant being together, I would go to NY and get a waitress job or something there and maybe go to college later, when we could afford it. I want to stay with him, Alice, but I am starting to wonder if he will even ask me to go."

"Of course he will. You two are solid, never doubt that."

xxx xxx

Edward put the velvet box back in his drawer and wondered what to do for the best.

Bella was clearly against marrying young, and eight years apart would end them.

He knew they would try and struggle to remain together, but was it fair to either of them?

She would move on, maybe only out of fear of being alone once he was gone.

They needed time apart to sort out what they wanted, that was clear.

He picked up his cellphone and called her.

High School was finished, all that was left was the school break before he headed off, maybe they should spend some time alone and see how they felt.

"Bella, I have to go the New York, you know that, I think we should start by not seeing each other for a while. Don't cry. We need to think about what to do next. We can talk when I get back. Please be realistic and be sure about what's best for you."

He called Emmett who agreed he should come and stay and get himself oriented with the college before the other freshmen arrived as well.

"You have to come back and get everything you will be taking to college with you," Esme answered. She had thought he would want to spend every last minute left with Bella so she was surprised.

"I will be back, and I will tie up my loose ends," he promised. He looked at the hand worked tapestry on the sitting room wall.

_If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was yours._

xxx xxx xx

Weeks later Bella sat on the Cullen's front stoop and waited for them to come home. Edward was being strange, only talking to her briefly, never letting her say anything about their plans, hanging up if she got upset or cried.

He had to come home and get his stuff for college, so she would sit here until that happened.

He had to know about the test and if he hated her, then she would have the baby alone. He must have suspected she was pregnant to be being so horrible to her now.

James was walking into the drug store as she stood with the pregnancy test box in her hand, counting her change to see if she could afford it.

"Ha, Edward was right, you are up the duff. Why do you think he took off? He doesn't want to get tied down here with some snot nosed kid and you, Swan, the blight of his life. Did he tell you how much he wants to get out of Forks and never come back? That's because of you, Swan and your stupid mistake. Let him go, do the decent thing, go blame Black or Newton, one of them will marry you. Let Edward have a decent life."

She ran to her car, crying.

It was not true, Edward had not left because of her and he didn't know there was a chance she was pregnant.

Renee warned her this would happen.

"Get knocked up and they run for the hills. No boy wants to have his life ruined by some stupid high school crush getting in the family way. And it's no fun for the girl, believe me I should have lived first, before I let Charlie tie me down and have you. It was the worst mistake we ever made. A baby needs to be wanted and planned, to come along when everyone is ready for it."

It was too late for that now.

Edward got out of the family car and walked up, holding a hand out to Bella. Seeing her again after this absence made him have to harden his resolve. He was now sure he didn't want to tie her down at eighteen. Rose was pregnant already and so sick, and always tired. She had dropped out of college and he worried she would never go back.

He would not do that to Bella.

The long distance thing was unfair and too hard.

All that was left was a clean break. If she loved him, she would come back to him when she finished her course. Maybe if they spent one year apart, then reassessed? He wasn't sure if that was fair, either, keeping her in limbo.

He walked with her to the forest behind the house and sat on a rock, sitting her beside him.

"Bella, I have done nothing but think about our futures, and I can't see any way out except a clean break. Rose is pregnant and so sick she has dropped out. I am not doing that to you. You need to go to SeattleU, I need to go to NYU, and we have to do what's best for ourselves.

Don't think about what I want, only think about what you want. In time you will agree it's for the best. We don't want to be tied down this young with a kid if we slip up, that would be a disaster, it would muck up your education completely. In four years you will be an adult with a future and you will thank me for this."

He kissed her forehead tenderly and hoped she could not see the pain and longing in his eyes, or hear his heart pounding, wanting to wrap her up and take her with him. He had to let her go and let her choose her own path. Maybe they would be together again, he would stay away for a year, to be absolutely fair to her, and if she wanted to be with him then, they would work something out. He had a trust fund, he would pay for her fees at NYU if she wanted to transfer but she was not making a life altering decision today, when they were both so emotionally involved and couldn't step back and see the big picture.

If James was right, and Edward was sure he wasn't, she would turn to Jake or Eric or Mike, and that would be her choice. If she loved him as much as he loved her, she would wait a year and be ready when he came back for her.

But he would not tell her and have her plead to take her now. It was impossible anyway, Carlisle was trustee for his money until he turned 19.

This was the best and kindest thing to do.

A clean break.


	6. Chapter 6

The Cottage

Chapter 6

All A Man Needs To Be happy Is Someone To Love, Something To Do, And Something To Hope for.

Edward smiled and gazed into her eyes, seeing her come back from wherever she had gone inside her head. She pulled back and frowned.

"Bella, let it go. Whatever you are thinking, let it go. Give us a chance, please."

She bit her bottom lip and nodded.

"You do understand I did what I did thinking it was for the best? I didn't know about the baby, Love. I thought a year apart would strengthen our love for one another. I planned to pay for you to transfer to NYU with me, then I heard you took the job, and didn't go to SeattleU so I figured you could start your course from the beginning at NYU or get a job if you preferred."

"What would you have done if I had told you?" she asked.

Edward considered.

"Postponed starting college for a year. Stayed in Forks and been by your side. Bullied you into marrying me. Asked Esme to show us how to mind our child, and to teach us what we needed to know to cope together. Taken you and the baby back to New York a year later, and by then I would have had my trust fund so you could have stayed home with the baby until it was three and put it in a creche so you could do your course while I finished my last four years. We could have still had everything we wanted. The baby wouldn't have wrecked anything, just delayed some things a little."

"I wish I had told you," she sighed.

"I wish I had known how important it was to actually talk to you and not just consider everything in my head and tell you the conclusions without giving you any say. I decided what was best for you, I had no right. You didn't tell me because I said a pregnancy would be a disaster. I'm so sorry I said that."

"I'm sorry I didn't explain I was only talking about Mike and Jessica, not us. I would have become engaged to you before you left and married you before the baby was born."

"Why then and not now? Why did you think it was important to be married before that birth, but not now?"

Bella shivered, and tried to edge away but Edward held her close.

"I can't get married again ever, you know that. I have had two failed marriages already."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I considered myself your wife from the first time we slept together," she admitted. "It felt like I was widowed when you left me. So I married Jacob and he divorced me. Two failed marriages."

Edward was getting the picture. He had blown his chance with her of a complete happy ever after, now his choices were nothing at all, or to settle for what she could offer. A formal marriage was out. She had too much fear of being a wife again. He needed to change the way he thought. Whenever he heard of friends having a baby and not getting married first, he always thought it showed a lack of commitment. He was sure Bella was willing to commit in every way but legally. To him, love was followed by marriage, followed by babies. He had to readjust his thinking and accept the first and last without the middle step.

He knew it was the least important step to him anyway, if he had her love and they had a baby, then he could be happy.

He couldn't force her to do things his way this time.

It was her way or the highway.

He had the three things he needed.

Someone to love; his Bella.

Something to do; begin his career and keep her happy.

Something to hope for; a baby.

He had more hopes than just that one but it was a start. His life would be a series of goals and he would celebrate and start on the next one as he achieved them.

His body was responding to their close proximity and his longing to be with her again, fully.

Bella snuggled up closer and he kissed her again and decided tonight should be about kissing and touching, but not in a way that led to sex. She needed petting and cossetting and allow his love to translate into caring touches.

Her skin felt amazing, and she smelt right. He knew what he meant, he didn't even try and explain that to her. When you love someone you love everything about them, how they feel, think, smell, taste. He had missed her in so many ways over the years they were apart and he wanted to ease back into having everything about her back in his life.

Of course he wanted to make love to her but he liked the anticipation. The promise of things to come.

xxx xxx xx

"Edward, if we are going to go wave Ali and Jaz off on their honeymoon, we have to go, now," Bella called. Edward put the dogs in the backyard and walked inside to hang up their leads and wash his hands.

"I guess I need the face the pixie's wrath," he smiled.

Bella was troubled and needed to talk to her friend before they spent the next month apart, so once the hugs and backslapping were done and Emmett led Edward and Jasper off for some secret men's pre honeymoon pow wow, Bella pulled Alice aside.

"Ali, you are hurting me," she said quietly.  
"How?" asked her friend, in surprise.

"You are punishing me by by stepping back from Edward."

"You know why I feel like I do. He was wrong, he did the wrong thing."

"Ali, listen. Once upon a time there was an eighteen year old boy who loved his girlfriend and wanted to always do the right thing by her. He had to go away to college and he couldn't take her with him, for solely financial reasons. She couldn't afford to go, but she could continue her education at another college so he knew that was the best choice for her. They had been sleeping together for two years and the girl dated their relationship as starting on her sixteenth birthday, the first night they made love. He considered they were a proper couple a year earlier, from the first time he kissed her and asked her to go out with him.

So, already, different ideas.

He had used protection and he knew she was on the Pill so pregnancy was unlikely. He saw his older brother marry too young, and struggle to keep his vows. He heard from a lot of different sources that eighteen year olds did not know what love was. He didn't believe it applied to them and he planned to ask his girlfriend to become engaged to him before he left, and he had another plan. He would be financially able to bring her with him in a year's time so he decided to give her a year to see if that was what she still wanted.

He didn't believe they were too young until he heard from her own lips that she believed 27 was the right age to make lifetime decisions so he respected her view and and let her be free to choose her own path.

He tried to wean them off each other by going away and in that time, he opened his mind to other paths, and wondered, as every eighteen year old does, if there was another direction for him, but he took the year to be social and mix with new people and he decided it hadn't changed anything. The girl was still in his heart so he went back to get her, on his nineteenth birthday, the day he had money of his own.

When he got there, he found out she had chosen another path and was married.

He accepted this and stepped back and didn't try to come between them, even though he felt the girl was his. He respected her decision. What did he do wrong?"

"He slept with other girls..."

"He slept with other girls AFTER his girlfriend got married. Why is that wrong? He thought her husband would never leave her, because had he married her, he could not imagine any way he would be able to leave her, for any reason. He tried to move on and find someone else. That was logical, not a crime."

"But so many girls.."

"He was looking for something, someone, he wanted a connection again and he was not finding it. He was nineteen and full of hormones and as far as he knew, he would never get to touch her body again. He should have become a sad and lonely monk?"

"No, but..he shouldn't have left her."

"He explained his reasons to her when they broke up and guess what she said to him, Ali? She said she thought he was making the right decision. She listened to his reasoning, and she saw his point of view and she thought he wanted to go, so she set him free. She had no right to do that without telling him about his child and letting him rethink and decide with full information."

"Why didn't she tell him?" Ali whispered.

"Because she was eighteen and in love and for all her maturity in many ways, she was still filled with romantic ideals. She thought he would rush to her side when he found out she was in labor and was giving birth to his baby. She thought that would be her happy ending, and he would forgive her for not telling him, and fall in love with his baby and marry her and they would live happily ever after."

"But the baby died, and she tried to kill herself," Alice whispered in horror.

"And none of that was his fault. That was entirely her decision. She didn't think about the consequences, the pain she would inflict on others, her father, her boy, how would he have coped if he got the word his girlfriend killed herself because she lost his child and lost her dream future, when he had never been privilege to the information, the facts as they were."

Ali wiped away her tears and looked at Bella.

"I made the wrong decision, Ali, not him. If you hate someone and want them to pay, then lay the blame where it belongs. At my door. Suicide is a completely selfish act, it only ends the pain for the perpetrator. It leaves everyone else left behind scarred forever. She had no right to do that to him, to them. She tried to make amends to the others by allowing them to railroad her into a safe marriage. She didn't even consider her boy had the right to another chance. He may have wanted to come home and make things right, even though he had no idea he committed a wrong. She took away his choices."

"But if you never held him responsible, why did you hate him so much?"

"I never hated him, I chose to lay all the blame on his shoulders for things he never had any say in, because it is easier to blame someone else. Easier than stepping up and acknowledging you made some really stupid decisions and you were not as clever as everyone believed."

"I thought you wanted to hurt him, the first time you saw him after he came back. He told me what he said."

"We were both caught off guard and believe me, Ali, the things I said did not reflect the things I was thinking. I wanted to do things to him, but not harm him. I still do, I still want us to be together and to get back to where we were, no, I want us to be better than that. I think we can be."

"Bella, he is obsessed with knowing who the other two men are, you know. But he won't ask you. I can't even think of anyone you ever wanted to, you know, even just have your wicked way with."

Bella smiled.

"A little mystery never hurt anything. There was never anyone but him and Jake and he would know that if he really remembered me. He will work it out."

"And you are okay about the others he was with?"

"I pushed him into their beds, I can hardly bitch about the result of my own actions. Ali, the only thing I heard when he explained his life to me was, he waited. He faced temptation for a whole year, he met girls who wanted him and girls who just wanted to sleep with him, and he waited. He had Emmett and James yapping in his ear, telling him to take what was on offer, and he waited until I removed the option he wanted most. That means more to me than anything else. I slept with Jacob, and that was stupid and wrong, I married a man I didn't love, Ali. Everyone hates Jake but he knew I never felt the way I should have when I accepted his proposal. He tried for five years to make us into something we could never be. He gave up, Ali. He never should have bothered trying in the first place. He did that for me, he saved me twice and I used him instead of loving him. The villain in this story is me, not Edward and Jacob. Because I lost the baby, I get all the sympathy, because I acted stupidly and recklessly, everyone tiptoes around me."

Alice hugged Bella and went to find her brother, and tell him she had been wrong and she did love him still and that she was happy he had another chance with the girl he had always loved.

xxx xxx xxx

"Thanks for talking to Alice," Edward said to Bella as they waved the couple off. "You didn't need to do that."

"Of course I did, Edward. She had some of the facts but not all the facts. It's easy to judge and come to the wrong conclusion when you don't know everything."

"So, the clean up crew are probably done by now, can we go home and make our vows?" he asked, holding her with his hands on her hips, facing him, looking into her deep brown eyes.

Bella smiled nervously. She wanted to trust him again, she wanted to trust her again, and she wanted to be able to be what he wanted her to be but years of avoidance and false walls had to be taken away first. But she could do this for him, and she would.

xxx xxx xxx

**Please don't complain this chapter was too short. A) Now I have to write fluff and that's the hardest of all for me B) Ff is taking forever to load my new chapters so I am seeing if shorter loads faster.**


	7. Chapter 7

The Cottage

Chapter 7

Marry Me Bella

Just a small town girl  
livin' in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere  
Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit  
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere 

Bella rolled over and smiled, he never gave up.

"Marry me, Bella," he said again. She checked he was really asleep and shook her head.

"Crazy man. I said no already."

"Marry me, Bella."

Saying no was easy, she had said it often so she wondered if this might be a chance of changing herself. A safe and meaningless way, but a way nonetheless.

"Yes," she whispered and felt her throat close.

She forced her heart to slow again to a normal rate and refused to go into a panic attack. He couldn't hear her, he was snoring softly and rolled away from her.

"Marry me, Bella," he sighed.

"Yes, Iwillmarryyou," she hurried out before her mouth could censor her words.

Nothing happened, the world did not stop turning, the sea did not become a massive tsunami and drown them, the night just went on, and the moon shone through the window and highlighted Edward's copper hair.

Three dogs looked up and then lay their heads down again.

Their commitment ceremony had been postponed due to constant rain and storms, so she had been thinking thoughts she had not allowed to be born earlier. Marriage was important to Edward, and she knew she owed him some form of apology for her past mistakes and selfish decisions, so she had to explore giving him what he wanted most.

She had casually suggested they fill in an application for a marriage licence just in case they ever needed to marry in a hurry and he had raised his eyebrows but humored her.

"Don't do this for me. Only ever agree to marry me if it is what you want," he had cautioned her.

She had to expect him to have such a low opinion of her after she had admitted to him she married Jacob without believing a single vow she had uttered. Her head had been in a bad place at the time, and she had been scrambling to assure Charlie what happened was a one off, a stupid, impulsive, selfish moment of madness, so she took the easy option and parroted the vows back to Jacob. He said them with meaning, she uttered them in desperation and just hoped some day she would mean them.

It wouldn't be a problem meaning them with Edward but it was a problem saying them. She knew the person she trusted least in this world was herself and she feared she would go back to her old habit of making one mistake on top of another, a domino effect, so she could not do this until she could do it right.

They had agreed to delay full sex as well, until after their ceremony. He was such a lovely man, she thought, always wanting to do the right thing. He had touched her everywhere in every way except for making love to her with his beautiful body but she could wait.

Mind you, if the rain didn't desist and allow the ceremony this weekend, all bets would be off because petting like teenagers was not what her body, or his, yearned for. They had real sex at sixteen, by twenty seven they should be having it again. Her memories of their lovemaking back in High School were probably blown out of proportion, she remembered them as fitting together perfectly and being in complete harmony with one another but it couldn't really have been like that, surely. They were kids, they had no experience, how could it have been that good? Maybe her memory had added bits and pieces over time and made things better than the reality.

Sex with Jacob had been somewhat sad. She didn't want to do it but it was the price she paid to be safely married so she tried to be eager and excited, but faking had never been her forte.

He knew, and it was a wonder he hadn't left her a lot earlier. She suspected the whole Leah episode had been based on revenge, he had tried to humiliate her in front of the entire population of Forks, but she knew she deserved it. Sure, she had been angry and embarrassed but mostly she had been sad they had to end that way. Not cleanly and with respect like it should have, like she should have had the courage to end it earlier.

She was worried, obviously, that Edward's many experiences with other girls and women over the years would show her up as the inexperienced woman she was. How could she compete with them? She couldn't cope with knowing any details, how many, how long he stayed with each, all that had to stay buried in the past.

What he and those women had done together haunted her, she was not very adventurous and neither boy had demanded anything 'different' from her and now she knew the various things people did together these days, she worried even more. It was probable lying there and letting him do whatever he wanted was a naive move, he would expect her to participate in whatever he had done with them.

Butterflies fluttered and rolled in her stomach and she felt ill.

Sex would be harder than marriage. Why was she shying away from the easier step?

She slipped out of bed and changed into her jeans and cami and took the dogs silently down and out the front door.

Dawn was just breaking and the rain had stopped.

Bella let the dogs run free and stood by the edge of the water, hugging herself. She was kidding herself if she thought she could ever be what he was used to. Emmett had let slip more things than she ever wanted to know, when under the influence of alcohol, about Edward's sex buddy and some girl named Victoria, who apparently was a Gold Medal winner when it came to all things sexual.

Edward always shut him up fast but not fast enough. Bella waded into the water, unthinkingly, and found herself waist deep suddenly. She turned and ran out onto the sand and was glad the rain had started again and washed her tears away.

Edward was walking towards her but her throat was so tight she couldn't speak.

"What's wrong, what's happened?" he cried out in alarm when he was close enough to see her face and detect her distress.

She shook her head and he pulled her inside his arms and stood there at the water's edge, holding her while she sobbed. The dogs had run up to him when they saw him arrive but all three sat back a respectful distance away and pawed the sand in anxiety. Something was wrong, something was disturbing the harmony.

Edward leashed them and and grabbed all three leads in one hand and put his other arm around Bella, who hadn't moved, and urged her to come home and get warm and dry. He spoke quietly to her and she walked along side of him like a zombie, her head too confused to even think.

Edward filled the tub and undressed her and stepped in first, pulling her in to sit between his legs with her back against his chest. She lay her head back and relaxed and wished he was willing to stay like this, not moving forward, not progressing to the point where she would be exposed as the unworldly woman she was.

She was Forks and he was New York.

xxx xxx xxx

Something was wrong, that much was obvious. He felt he may have pushed her out of her comfort zone by suggesting the commitment ceremony, she seemed happy about it at first but now when they woke to unrelenting rain and clouds each morning, she seemed more relived than disappointed. He watched her move restlessly in her sleep, and he knew something was going very wrong and he didn't know how to fix it. If she would just talk to him and tell her what the problem was, maybe they would have a chance but he feared for every step they took forwards, she slid backwards twice as far.

She looked to be filled with so much self doubt, he tried to zone in on the source. She happily touched his body and played the teenage games but she was holding back on going the whole way and she had grabbed on to his offer to wait until after the ceremony.

That had been a mistake. He should have gotten them into a sexual relationship sooner and not let her brood and worry.

He concluded the problem was one of two things. She was worried about his performance compared to the three other men she had been with, or she was worried about the women he had been with.

Neither were anything he could change. They both had a past and it was bound to rear it's ugly head at some point.

The wind started to howl outside and he took the dogs down and shut them in the bathroom, which they had taken over as their domain. They liked the darkness and cool floor and small confined area when their world was unsteady or darkness hit. He gave them water and dry food and their chew toys, though all three seemed introspective and sober, not their usual selves.

Great, four sad females. Izzy was taking her cue from the other two, she was not alpha female of this pack but happy to fall in behind the other two and take third place.

Edward made coffee and lit the fire in the sitting room fireplace. He was unsure which way to go next, push her for answers or back off and give her space. He wished Ali was here because she would get to the root of the problem and talk Bella through it.

Rose was still at Carlisle and Esme's, they were making a proper holiday of their visit and he briefly considered calling her but she was too blunt and unsubtle. If Bella expressed any doubts, Rose would probably tell her to kick his ass out of her life and be happy alone again.

Bella was awake when he returned upstairs with a second coffee for himself and one for her and he handed it over silently. She accepted it and sipped slowly, not meeting his eyes with her own. The dark gray clouds had obliterated the sun and the room was almost as dark as midnight.

"Do you want a light on?" he asked and she placed her coffee cup down and shook her head. Edward climbed back into bed and held her, kissing the top of her head.

"I haven't been with any other men apart from you and Jacob," she stated softly.

"That's good?" he replied, unsure if she was happy or sad about it.

"I can't do, can't be what they were."

"Who?" he asked, confused.

"The other women."

"Oh." So it was him that was the problem.

"I can't live up to your expectations," she added.

"All I expect from you is for you to give us a chance," he replied.

"Edward, you have been used to sleeping with women who know how to do things I have probably never heard about."

"I'm happy about that, Love."

"No, I will be too unsophisticated and small town for you now. You will regret coming back to me."

"Bella, you think I could ever regret coming back to you? It's all I ever wanted. I love you, and you are the only one I ever made love with. I had sex with the others, it's vastly different, it's meaningless and soul- destroying. I was abstinent and alone from choice for the entire last year prior to coming home here. Mindless sex just wasn't doing it for me any more. You have said you never loved Jacob, did you like having sex with him?"

She shook her head wordlessly.

"Then you know what I mean," he replied.

She seemed to relax and snuggled in closer so he stroked her arms and back and let her lay against his torso. She slid her hand inside his boxers so he slid his hand inside her pajama top, and he lifted it off over her head. She began pushing her pelvis against his thigh and rubbing her sex against his leg and he could feel her need. It seemed today was the day.

He slid her pajama pants away, pulling them down her legs with his toes and he kicked them out of the way when they slid off her feet.

She followed his lead and pulled his boxers down and off and he felt his erection nudging her. Without hesitation he pushed inside her and shut his eyes in ecstasy to be home at last. His hands found her backside and pulled her in closer, lifting her bottom off the mattress and holding her tightly against him. He pulled out just a little and plunged back inside and sighed with joy and relief. He wanted to withdraw almost fully each stroke but leaving her depth was too hard so he just moved slowly in and out a little and rotated his hips and pelvis instead, so she was still stimulated and he remained almost fully enclosed inside her. He had never done this before, or felt this connected, even when they first started back in High School. This was right and what he had missed and needed all along.

One day earlier, he thought, one day earlier and he could have stopped the wedding and taken her off on his white charger and reclaimed her for himself. It was a Black wedding in more than just name.

He opened his eyes and stared into hers, as their bodies moved together.

Bella was breathing heavily and he sought her lips with his own and kissed her sweetly, like they used to kiss, with love and joy and no desperation. They always knew there was another night coming, and they had enjoyed themselves without ever fearing anything. The future seemed their friend, not the bitter harpy she proved to be in time.

If only, if only, it was too late for if only.

Fate had taken so much away but given them so much back now.

"Ask me," she said as the kiss ended.

He paused and she squiggled her hips to make him continue. He pushed in again and searched his mind for the question then he smiled as he realized.

"Marry me, Bella."

"I would love to," she answered.

He moved in and out faster and deeper and he felt her tighten and grip his shaft inside her depths so he let himself fill her with love as she quaked around him. They stilled and he bucked again, then paused and bucked one last time, feeling the waves die down and end.

"That was making love and I have missed that for eight long years, Bella. I can never go without it again."

Neither can I, I missed it too," she answered.

"So, I am your number three," he said.

"No, Edward, you were always my number one," she sighed and he lay beside her and held her tightly.

xxx xxx xxx

Waking up alone caused Edward to cringe. Please God, not avoidance already. Was she going to pretend this morning never happened? He dressed quickly and walked downstairs and looked around at the table. It was covered in a plain white cloth and sitting upon it was a pair of candlesticks with rose pink candles burning brightly. The table was set with her best china and silverwear and crisp, white napkins folded to the shape of swans sat beside each plate.

Bella turned from the AGA and carried the meal towards the table, serving him slices of succulent pale turkey and baked vegetables with side salad.

She put the serving dish back inside the oven then nervously approached the table. He rose, to go hold out her chair for her but she shook her head and indicated he should sit down.

Bella walked to his side and sank to the ground, resting on one knee.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, would you do me the extraordinary honor of being my husband? I promise to love you every minute of forever."

"Yes," he answered, beaming as he allowed her to slip a band onto his ring finger.

He looked at it and wrinkled his forehead in question.

"It's an engagement ring. I had it made for you," she said. Edward examined it closely, a thin band of flat silver was entwined around a similar band of gold.

"Thank you, my Bella," he said, both for the ring and the proposal.

She handed him the small velvet box she found in his bedroom days earlier and he smiled and opened it.

"Sit," he ordered and she sat on her chair.

"Isabella Marie Swan, would you do me the extraordinary honor of being my wife? I promise to love you for eternity."

"Yes," she answered, smiling sincerely as he kissed her fingers and slid the ring his grandmother had worn up her finger.

"It's beautiful, Edward," she said quietly.

"It's finally where it belongs," he replied. "It should have been there for over eight years but it's home now, like I am."

Bella stood and Edward stood beside her and pulled her inside his embrace.

"I have never been this happy in my entire life," he murmured.

"You seemed pretty happy earlier this morning," she answered.

"Okay, I was happy this morning as well. I can't choose between the two happy moments, so let's just say this is the very best day of my life so far but I hope it gets even better."

"How?" she asked, allowing him to sit her on his knee.

"I want to see you walk down the aisle to me, in something white and flowing and beautiful," he replied and she grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you, Edward," she sighed happily.

"I don't think there is any doubt about that," he replied. "What sort of wedding do you want? Big and splashy, small and intimate? You choose and have exactly what you want. I can live with just us and the celebrant."

"I want to get married in a church," she answered.

"Okay," he said, surprised.

"This time I will mean every word, every vow so I want to say it in God's house," she explained.

"God is everywhere, but I am happy to do this wherever you want. When is the wedding?" he asked.

"As soon as Ali and Jaz get back," she grinned.

"Then who is organizing it?" he frowned.

"I am. I will make this day perfect for you, I promise."

"You already have, and it's still weeks away. I love you, Bella."

He fed her pieces of his dinner and then they shared her plate as well and Edward rejoiced that she was giving him another chance as he was her.


	8. Chapter 8

The Cottage

Chapter 8

Denim and Lace

"Okay, so we have it catered by the same firm that did Jasper and Alice's wedding?" Rose asked.

"Sure, they were great," Bella replied.

Esme was sitting beside Bella on the white couch, holding her hand and smiling. She had willed this to happen and now it had. Maybe Carlisle was right. Bella and Edward had no choice, they had to be together, it was the only way the universe could be set to rights.

"So, how hard can it be? Alice always makes such a production of everything. We just book the same food for the date you two decide on, and pay a deposit. No drama, no having a fit over whether everyone is catered for, vegans, vego's, meat eaters. Alice sorted all that, so we just duplicate her order and add on a few extra guests for Bella's side, and otherwise invite all the same people."

"Um, I don't know that Jasper's relatives are necessary this time," Esme pointed out.

"Darn, if they don't come, we have to actually refigure out what type of meals and how many. Are you sure we can't just add in Bella's parents and whoever else she wants?"

"As it was a smorgasbord, I think we can get away with ordering everything the same and just hoping there are enough specialty dishes. Renee probably is a vegan or something, you know how faddy she has always been."

"Cave man diet," Bella muttered.

"What?" Rose asked.

"Currently, last I heard, Renee was doing the Cave Man Diet. Raw foods and fruits and so on."

"Cavemen invented fire, I'm sure it wasn't to roast chestnuts," Rose replied. "She probably eats meat."

"Whatever, I don't want to get bogged down in details. I just want the day to be everything Edward wants," Bella stated tersely. All she had ever wanted to be was everything Edward wanted.

"All he cares about is having you waiting at the end of the aisle," Esme replied.

"So, do you have a date in mind? Other than 'when Alice gets back'?" Rose queried.

"I think we need to fit in with the caterers, they will be the hard ones to book. See what the first available date is with them," Esme suggested.

Rose dialled the phone and explained who she was and what she wanted.

She covered half the receiver and checked.

"What date is Ali back?"

"The 10th," Bella and Esme replied together.

"They have a cancellation on the 12th. Too soon?"

"Nope, the 12th is fine," Bella answered.

"Okay, the 12th will be suitable. We wish to order the same menu as for the Whitlock wedding. Any problems? No, we won't need ice sculptures of the happy couple, that was definitely an Alice thing. Thank you. I will send a deposit to secure the booking. Oh, by internet. Okay, I am sure the details are in the family computer . Thank you, yes, I will call back if I encounter any problems.

She hung up and moved to the computer on the desk.

Sure enough, Bailey's Finest Food Catering Service was listed and the receipt was there so Rose paid the exact full total to ensure they knew this was a serious booking.

"What are you wearing?" Rose asked.

"Edward wants something white and flowing," Bella replied.

"You don't have a lot of time, I think you will have to buy off the peg, gasp, shudder," Rose grinned.

"Thank God Alice is away then," Bella answered. Nothing got the pixie going like 'off the peg'. Anyone would assume it was blasphemous.

"I have an idea but feel free to say no. I have my mother's wedding dress and it's gorgeous. I was way too tall to wear it but you are about her height and size, Bella. Would you like to see it? Please feel free to say no. It's just that Edward always loved the wedding photos of my parents so much, he considered the dress more a form of artwork rather than clothing."

"Sure, I would love to see it," Bella perked up. Finally something she could get excited about.

"Then let's go to our house and we can bring it down out of the attic and see if it appeals, and if so, if it needs alterations," Esme smiled. Bella had always seemed like a daughter to her, it would be right for her to wear the dress. She was family already.

Alice had dismissed the whole idea, she wanted new and modern but Bella was such an old soul, it just seemed fitting.

Esme opened the box and unwrapped the layers of blue tissue paper and shook the dress out gently. It was intricately embroidered over the entire bodice, low cut enough to show off one's asset's, and seeing her mother was scarcely five foot three, only an inch shorter than Bella, the length was perfect. Bella slid her hoodie and T shirt off, then her jeans, and slipped into the dress as Esme and Rose guided her arms inside.

Esme did up the many covered buttons down the back and all three women stood wordlessly at the sight of Bella in the perfect dress for her. It fit everywhere, not a single seam needed to be altered.

"Wow," said Rose, uncharteristically quiet, finding no words for such perfection.

"Wow indeed, you look just like her," Esme stated. She took the girls to her study and showed them the wedding photos of her parents hanging on the wall.

Bella smiled, she was right. Edward looked so like his grandfather, too, it was like the same couple marrying again all these years after the first time.

"I still have her veil and her combs. See them there in her hair, those are sapphire's. The shoes might be hard to match but you won't see much of them."

"I saw the perfect pair," Rose spoke up. "They were in a costume shop, I think they started life as ballet pumps and had been embroidered and had small seed pearls added. I will call and see if they are still there."

She grabbed the phone and flicked through the phone book.

"Hi, I am enquiring about a pair of antique cream ballet slippers you had last week. Yes, the ones with the pearls and fancy handiwork. Good, what size? Great, perfect. Could you hold them aside please, we can be there in forty minutes."

"Come on, we have shoes to buy," Rose ordered and Esme helped Bella out of the dress and hung it on a padded coat hanger and let it waft in the gentle breeze coming through the window.

It smelled quite fresh, she hoped it would not need much cleaning. She feared chemical disasters if she took it to a dry cleaners.

The dress was irreplaceable but she wanted it handed on to Bella to keep after the wedding. She had already had her turn at owning it, it was time to hand it down and have a new bride wear and treasure it, as she knew Bella would.

"Do we tell Edward?" Rose asked as she drove quickly but carefully through the streets to Port Angeles.

"No, I will tell Carlisle and he can steer Edward towards an old fashioned style of tux, and he will be so surprised when he sees Bella in the dress at the wedding. He will love it."

Esme had no doubts at all. Edward never had spoken of any other bride's dress, she imagined they all looked somewhat the same to him, being a male, but he had stood and stared at her Mother's wedding photos for hours as a child. It was probably the only piece of clothing he had ever really admired. She was so pleased Bella was so agreeable to the idea.

The slipper like shoes fitted perfectly, and the price was outrageous so Esme got Rose to distract Bella by encouraging her to try on some other antique and vintage footwear while she snuck up and paid for them.

They were wedding shoes, one must expect to pay a lot for such special items. She knew that but doubted Bella held the same philosophy. More like she would tell Esme how many weeks of groceries she could buy with that money. The ribbons that went crisscrossed up the legs were new, but matched colorwise. Esme thanked the salesperson and hugged the box to her chest. Rose grabbed two beautiful antique children's frocks off the rack and considered them carefully. They were a shade of mauve that shone pink. The lace was unbelievable, so perfect. They would fit the twins. They could wear their ballet pumps with them and fit right into the theme.

"So, are we having flowergirls because I know of two ready made, much practiced little girls who would adore the chance to dress up and show off," she mentioned to her friend.

"Oh yes, that would be wonderful. I mean, I want you and Alice as my bridesmaids of course, but flowergirls would be fun too. Shoot, we should be shopping for bridesmaid frocks."

Rose looked through the racks and came up with two similar but vastly different sized frocks , the larger in dull lilac, the other in old pinky gray.

"Yes," hissed Bella. Rose tried the darker frock on and Bella and Esme clapped. It needed to be taken in, most women Rose's height were broader than she was. But that was a mere hour or so's work.

"Do you think this will fit Alice?" she asked, holding up the other frock.

"I think so, it may be slightly long," Esme decided.

"Don't dare tell her it was off the children's rack," warned Rose.

The girls followed Esme out, Bella speechless at the prices. She was open mouthed at the total Rose handed over for the four dresses but Rose gave her the evil eye and she shut up and stuck to complaining about the shoes instead.

"They aren't even new. Nobody would pay that sort of money for second hand shoes."

"I would, I loved them. Think of them as antique, not 'second hand', you could never find anything remotely similar new, so they are better than new. They look to have only been worn once or twice so maybe some long forgotten bride wore them to her wedding way back. I really loved them. Didn't you?" Rose asked her.

Bella looked a little sad.

"I did love them Rose, they were perfect, you were right, but do you know how many week's groceries I can buy with that amount of money? I doubt I even have enough to cover the cost of them anyway. I can find something else. Something I may even wear again after the wedding."

"So, you didn't want them?" Esme quizzed.

"All right, I want them. Maybe Edward..."

"Here," she said, handing the box over and kissing the girl on the cheek.

Bella choked.

"Esme, you can't..."

"I can. As mother of the groom I get to buy the something old, so here it is."

"Thank you, thank you so much. I love them," she admitted.

Rose laughed.

"She is going to find it hard being broken in as a Cullen, I can see."

"You were no challenge," Esme chortled at Rose.

"No, nobody had to teach me how to spend money, I will give you that," Rose agreed.

Bella had to hide the shoes from Edward so Esme took them back to her house and placed them in the guestroom along with the wedding dress and attendant's dresses and locked the door behind her. Nobody would be entering that room without her knowledge, and her key. She slipped it onto her keychain and couldn't wait to see her son's face when he saw Bella walk towards him down the aisle. He would be enraptured.

Bella was in the bath when Edward got home. His position at the hospital was proving to be interesting and he enjoyed working along side his father. It kept the nurses away, none were quite game to step over the line and proposition him with him being the Chief of Medicine's son. He was glad, flattered as he was that so many women blatantly stared and often licked their lips as they stared, he had what he wanted at home and would never risk that for a flirtation or quick roll in the hay.

Those days were long gone, all he wanted was Bella. He knew all he had ever wanted had been Bella and cursed himself daily for the whole fuck up in their past. She accepted the other women easier than he did. He wished he could have a do-over and take her with him to NY, ignore Emmett and James, give her the engagement ring that night when both were the tender age of eighteen.

Maybe the baby would have survived if she had not been under constant stress. Maybe that was why it died. It bothered him far more than he expected, knowing he had begun a life that had never come to be in the outside world.

She had years already to come to terms and grieve, for him the loss was new and fresh and threatened to be scarring. He needed another pregnancy, one that would produce a living baby.

He knew Bella wanted a baby as well but she had backed off the whole conception since they set a date for the wedding. He didn't understand why, exactly, but Rose had slapped him when he said that and explained weddings were much nicer for the bride if she didn't have to rush off and throw up mid ceremony.

He was enjoying spending time with Emmett again and his brother had confided they were thinking of coming back to Forks to live again. The big wide world was losing it's attraction now he had school aged daughters to raise. He wanted them to have the safety and security a small town like Forks could still offer. No gangs, no murders, no child molesters. The disadvantage of everyone there knowing your business also meant nobody sketchy got to stay around. The women in town noticed everything, therefore Charlie was promptly informed about any slightly suspicious goings-on. If your crime needed any privacy at all, you soon gave up and left. Edward was excited at the thought of them all being near one another as their children grew up.

Alice's baby would not be too much older than his and Bella's baby hopefully.

He opened the front door of the cottage and looked up at his Bella sitting in the bathtub.

"Honey, I'm home," he called up to her.

"Lover, I'm naked," she replied, instantly changing his idea about taking a shower and relaxing. He was up the stairs and in the tub behind her in seconds.

"How was your day?" she asked as he massaged her shoulders then her breasts. She moaned lightly and he kissed her neck.

Fuck she was beautiful and easily the sexiest woman alive.

She turned and slipped out of his arms and straddled him instead. His erection lay between them and she started kissing his mouth and stroking him off simultaneously.

"Better now," he murmured. "That feels so good, Baby," he moaned into her neck.

Bella smirked and sat back so they kept eye contact as she brought him to the brink and beyond.

"You think you are clever, don't you," he sighed as the pulsing lessened and he lay back and relaxed.

"I know I am," she replied.

"You are very talented," he gave her, winking.

Bella stayed sitting across his thighs and he watched as she soaped and cleaned her breasts, and he offered to help and she assigned him nipple washing duty. When they were spotless, he leaned in and sucked them quickly.

"Getting the water off, don't want them to get all wrinkly," he explained.

Bella soaped them again and leaned down, washing his chest with them.

"Fuck Bella, that is no way to treat those orbs of delight, they are not cleaning cloths," he objected, feeling his erection return. She smirked and slid back and caught his dick between those breasts and moved up and down, sliding his erection easily in the suds.

Edward grinned and went with it. Emmett was forever going on about coming between Rose's ample breasts and suddenly he knew why his brother liked this activity so much. He had never experienced it before, maybe he should insist Bella spend more time with Rose, clearly the woman was passing on sex game tips.

Bella looked down and poked out her tongue, licking and sucking the head each time it emerged from her flesh.

"Fuck, you are the most amazing woman in the world, you know that?" he gasped as he let go and pulsed madly. She swallowed with him still inside her mouth and he almost lost consciousness.

God only knew why she felt intimidated by his 'other women' because none of them had ever affected him like she did. They were all simply an alternative to his own hand, just as efficient, but once they were done all he had ever wanted was to be alone again.

With Bella, the sex was just the start, the night's of holding her in his arms had been the real treat and he had spent so many lonely nights with some woman or another sleeping beside him as he rolled away and allowed himself the luxury of tears on his pillow, wishing so much Bella was there instead.

Sex had become so tired and mechanical, his fuckbuddy had probably been the best of the lot because she had no expectations of more, and he had never been capable of giving more to any of them.

A couple of girls had broken up with him because he refused to cuddle them afterwards, but although he could do the sex, it had been impossible to do the real intimacy.

That seemed strange, surely being inside a woman was at intimate as it got, yet it had never induced feelings of love, only lust. He had wanted them, there was no denying that, he had needed the release.

He had always been so sparing with his kisses, knowing each one he gave to someone else was one less he gave to her, and he always wanted the total of kisses he had given to Bella in the past to outweigh the total of kisses he gave to others.

Not that any of those reluctant kisses ever had meaning. The were a means to an end, not a sign of affection.

He had felt so empty and cheap, now he felt happy, and fulfilled. There was no comparison, why didn't she get that?

It was like patting other people's babies on the head. It may look like affection but it was what one did, politeness. Only your own induced that feeling of protection and devotion.

He sighed. He was feeling things for a baby never born and one yet to be conceived, he really was losing it.

He stood and stepped from the tub and dried off, then helped Bella dry herself and he carried her the few steps to their bed.

She had shared herself with him every night since the first night, she never refused him or even hesitated and foreplay or not, she was always ready and warm and wet. It was like she needed him inside her as much as he needed to be there.

Bella lay there watching him as he sat at her feet and looked over every inch of her beauty. Her pink nipples had pebbled in the evening cool now the warmth of the bathwater was gone. It was as if they needed him to touch, and lick and suck. He played with her toes, and she smiled lazily, warm and sleepy.

Gently he raised her legs so her knees were bent and wide apart and he lowered his head and sucked her clit inside his mouth and teased it lovingly. He had never been slightly tempted to do this to any other woman, this had always been something he only did with her, so in a way it was better than sex.

He wondered briefly if Jacob...no, do not go there. He could hardly blame the man for wanting to have all of her, in every way. Bella just made you need to give her your everything. It had been almost frightening when they were so young but now he understood. She didn't do half hearted, she had settled for that with Jake, so now it was all or nothing, and nothing was just that.

Nothing.

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

He felt her shudder and release and moved his tongue to catch her essence. She tasted so sweet, so innocent, so beautiful.

He smiled at her flushed face and rested his forehead on her legs.

How could he be this lucky, to be allowed another chance? He was hardly special. He was pretty, attractive, good looking, handsome, take your pick, but what was it all for if you didn't get the one girl you desperately craved? His pretty was all for her.

Her beauty was all for him.

He moved to stand beside the bed and pulled her body closer, putting her ankles on his shoulders and entered her quickly, feeling overcome by sadness for the past and joy for now, and hope for the future. He kissed her feet and pumped inside her depths and thanked God and any other deity that had allowed them to find one another again.

The universe had righted itself.

He caressed her mound and licked a thumb and drew circles around her clit and watched her eyes as he took her to the edge and helped her over. His own release followed instantly, the second she did that low, quiet moan that meant she was there, he felt the need to go with her so he pumped once more and felt their bodies truly become one wave of pleasure, one pulse of fulfilled desire, one person made from two.

Their souls were not mates, they were halves of the whole, and that was very different.

Without one another, neither blossomed, they stagnated and wasted their time.

He withdrew and fell beside her, his arms ready now, wanting the next part, and he surrounded her body and shivered in joy as her back connected with his chest and they lay so closely they touched all the way from head to toes.

His Bella.

Nobody else's.

"I can't wait for the 12th," he sighed. He needed that piece of paper, he knew many didn't but he did. He wanted to hold it and read it and show everybody, she had chosen him. She loved him, as much as he loved her. He knew she didn't believe it mattered and she was doing this for him alone. Weddings were not something she had craved and planned for like his sister and Rose, always knowing which dress and how their hair would be done and what shoes. All so vital and necessary. He knew his Bella would be just as happy walking toward him in a gossamer sheath, just something soft and white that wrapped her until he could unwrap and reveal the prize he had won.

"Oh shoot. My time of the month starts on the 9th," she sighed tiredly.

"Bella, if you think a little blood will stop us..."

"No, I was thinking of the dress. I would hate to get any marks on it, blood would really be bad."

"You have the dress?" he smiled.

"The dress is ready," she replied.

He felt his heartbeat increase. She was going to do this right, she had promised to but he had kind of feared she may insist on something casual and not bridey.

"Is it beautiful?' he asked.

"I think so. I hope you do," she added.

"Anything would look amazing on you, but I can't wait to see what you have chosen. You did choose it, right? With that persuasive little Alice away, I hope you refused to let Esme and Rose bully you into some concoction you really would rather not wear," he asked a little fearfully. It was her day. It was his day too but that went without saying. He wanted her to feel it was truly special, the day they officially became what no man could put asunder.

"I truly love the dress. I bet you never expected to hear those words from this mouth. Wait, I even love the shoes."

"Are they Docs? Sketchers? "

"Not sneakers of any kind. These are...Heavenly."

Edward grinned. She was right, these words never came from her mouth. Clothes were what one wore to keep the cold away and to hide her beautiful body from the world, to keep it just for him, for his eyes only.

"Tell me about the ceremony. What have you decided?" he asked.

The whole church part had thrown him a little. He had pictured a copy of Alice and Jasper's wedding, that had been so intimate and meaningful, far more than the circus Rose and Emmett had indulged in.

Maybe if not that, then the beach they loved so much. That place had meaning, all their deepest fears and hopes and dreams had been talked about at the beach. It was their place as well. A church seemed kind of strange, it wasn't as if either ever attended services.

"I need it to be different. The other one..."

The Black wedding.

"Tell me about it," he asked. He did need a picture in his head so he could make this one better for her.

"Registry office, after party in Charlie's backyard, repeat ceremony by the bonfire on the Res."

"How did you feel?" he asked her, kissing her fingers gently. It was part of her life, it happened.

"Lonely, sad, scared, needing to make up for what I put them all through. They all watched me all the time. I couldn't ever be left alone. Someone was always on Bella watching duty.

My bathroom had no razors, no sharp objects. The bathroom cupboard was suddenly stocked with hair removal cream and cold wax strips. The kitchen was devoid of knives, we ate mushy food that could be cut with a fork. The garage was emptied, no ropes, no blunt objects. The ceiling in there was lined, no exposed beams. The trees suddenly needed trimming, and none had a branch within twelve foot of the ground. There were no poisonous substances, no antkill, no flyspray, no normal detergents even. Suddenly we had gone green, and had inefficient cleaning products that did little more than smell good.

I was not allowed out alone. I was banned from the beach, the cliffs, the forest.

Charlie had the cooking gas taken out and everything replaced with electrical appliances. The windows were replaced with safety glass.

I imagine he even got rid of every tie he owned.

If anyone could commit suicide in that house they were a genius. I half expected him to liquidize my food so I couldn't even choke.

Charlie went gray overnight. I mean that literally. Not a black hair left on his head. Sue Clearwater colors it at her salon so nobody knows but I saw him, he looked a hundred years old the days after..."

Edward held her more tightly.

"I didn't want to marry Jake. He wanted to marry me, but that was no excuse, that makes it ten times worse. I should have left, gone and lived with Renee. I deserved everything Jacob did, Edward. I lied to him, he had the right to lie back to me. We had nothing, not even friendship by the end. Nothing. He hates me and I probably have stopped him ever trusting any woman again."

"Did you tell him you loved him?" Edward asked.

"God no," she cried out in distress. "I would never say that to anyone but you. No matter what."

"But he married you without the words or the feelings. He has to take some responsibility, too, Bella. I think he must have known, he was never stupid."

"No, he was never stupid. He loved me and he wanted me to love him and he thought marriage was the way to force me to do that but it never worked. I felt like I owed him, he saved me, kept me alive. Doesn't that deserve some reward?"

"Sure, but not your heart if it's not freely given."

"He never had my heart, he knows that. He thought his love for me would be enough for us both. It doesn't work like that."

"How did you manage to say the vows?" he asked quietly. She had never lied to him, and she was a hopeless liar anyway. Her eyes always gave her away if she tried the slightest deviation from the truth, not to mention the telltale blush.

"I practised. I learned them off by heart. I said them to the mirror every day until it was like reciting any speech. My tongue learned the words and I went to my happy place when I said them._ I pretended I was saying them to you,"_ she admitted, covering her face.

Edward kissed her tenderly.

What the fuck had he done to this girl, to have her behave this way? That was not Bella, not his Bella, saying those words to another man, trying to end her own life? What would the world be without Bella in it? He would not have wanted to live in it without her. What if he had come home and missed her funeral instead of missing her wedding?

He held his face against hers and let their tears mingle together.

Her pain was his pain, his pain was hers.

The folly of youth.


	9. Chapter 9

The Cottage

Chapter 9/Epilogue! (Yay! I finished a story!)

Alice shot from the car and Jasper barely managed to catch her and take her into his arms bridal style to carry her over the threshold of her parent's house.

"Jas, really, every threshold from now on? Do I never get to walk through a door again?"

"Nope, Bride, get used to it," Jas replied, kissing her lips before placing her feet on the floor inside. Two weeks of sun, surf, sex, and snogging.

Coming back was going to be a letdown. It wasn't like much ever happened in Forks.

Esme put her arms out and kissed her daughter happily.

"How was it?' she asked.

"Much the same as it has been since we started in High School," Alice jokingly replied.

"I meant the honeymoon, the holiday part, not the sex," Esme growled.

"Oh, fun. The sun was great, when we did venture outside."

"And how do you feel?" Esme asked with a grin.

"Ugh, good at times, bad at others. Thank God I have a clear schedule for the next seven months. I tend to dash and hug the porcelain prince with little warning so get used to it. Did you water my houseplants and keep the apartment aired?" she checked.

"Your apartment is spotless, all shiny clean, we had the cleaners go through and do everything. Full service, walls washed down, ceiling dusted, everything cleanable cleaned. And I have been there to open and shut the windows every morning and night, no noxious smells."

"Good, we are selling it," Alice added like it was no big deal.

"Why? Where are you moving to?" Esme asked anxiously. She was not ready to let this daughter go, even though she was gaining the other back.

"We are buying, well, have bought really, a cottage. Near the beach. Four doors down from Bella's. You know the one. We commented on it every time we drove past it on the way to and from Bella's cottage."

"Gull Cottage?" Esme asked, excitedly. Another makeover to do.

"Yep, Gull Cottage. I talked to the owners one day when I was off looking for the Disappearing Bella and they told me they intended selling up and moving into the nursing home so I got Carlisle to move their names to the top of the list and we bought their house."

"Alice, I can't believe your father agreed."

"I told him if we didn't get the cottage we were moving to New York," she laughed.

"You are a very naughty girl," Esme chided, lovingly messing her daughter's perfect hairdo.

She had detected something going on with Carlisle. After all these years together she knew when he had a secret. He would be relieved she knew now.

The Thomas's were pretty much nearing the top of waiting couples wanting to move into the retirement village anyway so what he had done was hardly criminal, though he would feel jumpy until whoever was meant to be above them got in as well.

"So, what plans do you have for the makeover? Any actual renovations or just a paint and polish?"

Esme had not visited the Thomas's for years so she had no real idea of the state inside.

"Well, there is one wall that needs to go. The place has two small sitting rooms, they need to be opened into the one and the kitchen...don't get me started. I hope Edward feels like doing another refit. How are he and Bella getting along? Any improvement?" she asked.

"Well, if you can call them getting married this Saturday an improvement, then yes," Esme laughed.

"What! There is just no way I can pull a wedding together in TWO days, Mom. What the Hell are you all thinking?" she fumed, her mind racing. "Maybe if we..."

"Alice, it's done. Organized, caterers booked and paid for, clothes ready though we need to try your dress on and make sure it fits. Everyone else's outfit is done. Jasper, you have a tux waiting at home, and there is a very good reason for the longer jacket and stand up collar and hand tied bowtie. It's a surprise for Edward, the wedding dress, but these suits will blend in perfectly."

"Oh my God, she is wearing Nan's dress!" Alice screamed in excitement. It had never been remotely like what she wanted to wear on her big day but for Bella, she could see it was perfect.

"Alice, that is the most important secret of your life," Esme warned. "If Edward knows, it will be such a letdown. I want him to turn in the church and catch sight of her and know how right this is. Nan herself would want Bella to wear the dress. He always loved it."

"He did. Oh no, shoes, what the heck shoes can we find..."

"Come upstairs and calm down. Everything is done and dusted. Bella has shoes, Rose found them in a little antique shop in Port Angeles. They are a perfect fit and match the dress like they were made to go with it."

"God, I am expendable," Alice sighed theatrically.

"No, you are Head Bridesmaid, Matron of Honor, whatever you want to be titled."

Alice loved the shoes and loved her new old dress and luckily it fit and didn't need any alterations. Esme doubted the waist would fit her much longer, she seemed to have expanded slightly already, but two days, how much could she change in two days? She would subtly keep her from the cream cakes until the actual wedding itself, she decided.

xxx xxx

Bella stood and looked at the finished product. Rose had worked miracles with her hair, but left enough hanging down her shoulders to keep Edward happy. The combs glittered and shone in the light, the veil was small and pretty, and had come up clean and fresh in Esme's delicate hand washing.

The dress was a sensation. And the best kept secret in Forks.

Maybe the only secret ever kept here.

Bella smiled, she knew of two others actually.

The shoes were on, garter in place on her left leg, antique necklace her parents had bought as their wedding gift snugly in place at her throat. Renee was clucking around, sighing, snapping photos, getting in the actual wedding photographer's way. Phil and Charlie were chatting together, Sue Clearwater was on her father's arm, surprising them all. When had that happened?

Rose-Mary and Rose-Marie were sitting impatiently playing with their baskets of rose petals.

Alice and Rose were done, and looked amazing as Bella knew they would.

Edward, Emmett, Carlisle and Jasper were at the church already. Edward was determined to be early, so the men would be sitting around for a while yet, until all the guests arrived and found their seats. Bella had seen Jasper when he dropped Alice here and she noted the guitars on the backseat. He would be keeping her Edward calm by having them play together while they waited.

Esme was wearing a dress made of deep rose fabric, from the same shop as the other dresses and Bella decided it was time to reveal her first secret.

"Esme, Carlisle agreed to be Edward's Best Man," she said softly.

Esme looked a little shocked.

"I thought Emmett..."

"Edward wanted his father included. That means we ladies need you on our team."

Alice giggled and turned, handing Esme her bouquet of roses and lilies that matched their own. Rose walked over and gently added a garland of wildflowers into her hair.

"Bella, I don't know what to say."

"I think the groom's mother always get gypped. She made the groom in the first place but she just gets stuck in with the other guests, I want you at my side, like you always have been."

Esme teared up and Alice growled.

"No, no tears, I will not have my work spoiled."

"Cars are ready," Charlie announced, and the others headed for their limousine's while Bella hugged Esme then turned to her father.

Charlie smiled and kissed her forehead.

"You look sensational, you will knock his socks off."

"Good, sock knocking is always good," Bella replied.

Charlie led her to the bridal car and waved off Sue and Renee and Phil, all in the one car, as they sped off to reach the church first. Should be an interesting journey, he snickered to himself.

The ex wife and the wife to be, together in a small car.

Bella sat inside the car and smiled. This was how it was always meant to be. Finally, the real truth was on show for all to see and recognise as such.

The ride to the church was both too fast and too slow. She was leaving Bella Swan behind and replacing her with Bella Cullen. It was right and should have happened years before, but it was still such a major change. She was giving up her birthname her father still held, to become a Cullen.

Isabella Cullen.

Mike and Jessica were standing outside the church alone. They had agreed to take the three dogs for their wash and brushing and all three now had pink and mauve ribbons in their hair and they stood obediently waiting for their role to commence when their master and mistress left the church.

"Thanks for doing this," Bella said as she walked past on Charlie's arm.

"Thanks for waking Mike up and don't forget, our wedding is in three weeks time, you had better be back from the honeymoon in time," Jess stated. Mike smiled and kissed his wife to be. Finally he got it.

Bella was Edward's and nothing would change that. Jess was his, and he knew deep down he loved that it had turned out this way. His distraction with Bella had just been yet another way of delaying the inevitable and he truly did want to marry his Jess.

He pulled the dogs to the lawn area and waited for the service to begin and thus end.

Jess sat on the bench nearby and brushed dog hairs from her frock.

All eyes were on Edward, instead of Bella, as she walked inside the church. The photographer had been instructed, capture the look on his face before scuttling around to capture the sight he was seeing. He had decided that may not work and had brought his assistant to simultaneously photograph Bella as he got Edward.

Everyone knew the secret now, they had been hurriedly informed about the dress while Edward was waiting inside the small room to the side with his attendants.

Edward smiled as he heard the music change and he turned and gasped out loud.

Bella.

His Bella.

In his Nan's dress.

His smile lit up his entire face and he held a hand out, willing her to reach him faster than the music allowed.

Bella saw only him as she walked down the aisle. The guests and her bridesmaids had disappeared, all her vision captured was the beautiful face waiting for her. This was right, it had been the right decision, she knew that now with no doubt.

Suddenly she understood what other brides felt, and why they needed perfection.

She had it, she had Edward.

Charlie alone kept her walking at the correct pace, and she reached a hand out to her man long before she got close enough to touch him.

Their fingers met and a collective sigh filled the church.

The beauty of the truth was there and all knew this was what should have been before. This was honest and true and forever.

Edward pulled his bride inside his arms and kissed her tenderly.

Carlisle coughed quietly and frowned.

"Not yet" he hissed uselessly.

"Dearly beloved," began the minister.

xxx

"_I, Edward, take you Isabella, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart and my love, from this day forward , as long as we both shall live, and beyond that. I pledge my heart and soul to you , to dance this dance for all of eternity. Together we have faced adversity and uncertainty. Today, a day of music and celebration, I pledge to share my life with you. Whether the days that come are happy or sad, I will live them with you. I, Edward, give myself to you as your husband."_

"_I, Isabella, used to be afraid of falling in love, of giving my heart away. How could I trust a man to love me, to give me all that I wanted to give him? When you came back, Edward, I realized how much we could share together. You have renewed my life. Today I join that life with yours._

_I have dreamed my whole life of having you love me the way you do. I give myself as your wife and I promise here to treasure for all of my days the love we celebrate today. Let us bring together our lives and find ourselves anew each day. Let us welcome our new baby with open arms and hearts full of love."_

Edward looked shocked but his mouth spread into an even wider smile than before and he clasped her hand tighter. Bella nodded and the tears confirmed the last remaining secret she had just shared with them all, but mainly with Edward. The 9th had come and gone, and she had begged Carlisle for an ultra sensitive blood test and he had handed her the results this morning, unread.

It was more than she and Edward becoming man and wife, it was the three of them becoming a family.

xxx

"Whoa," said Jess, listening in. "Is that allowed? Is the bride allowed to say she is pregnant at the altar?"

"She just did," Mike confirmed. That would be Bella.

He handed the dogs over to bride and groom when they appeared at the doorway and the rest of their attendants crowded around and the photographers got whatever shots they needed. Mike took the dogs back to the cottage in his car and put them in the small enclosed run while the guests mingled and accepted glasses of champagne and nibbles.

"Sorry, girls, it's kibble and water for you lot," he said, placing their dishes down and going inside to wash his hands and find Jess.

xxx xxx xxx

Emmett clapped his brother on the back.

"You did good, you salvaged your perfect girl from the wreck some of us made of your life. I really do regret everything, Edward. I should have been a proper brother and accepted your truth. You were ready for this long before I was, you two would have defied the odds and made it. James and I should have never said the things we did. Thank God you were a better man than us and got her back."

"Thanks Emmett, but I made the decision. I listened to you and others and decided to walk away. I have nobody to blame but myself. Thank God she took me back. After everything, it was more than I deserved."

"No, bro, it was exactly what you deserved," Emmett assured him.

"So, finally it all worked out. God, Bella..."

"Ali, it is how it was meant to be. Leave it at that. We have one another and we have our baby and we really will be happy forever. The paths we took were the hard roads but we got here in the end at that's all that matters, the destination."

"Let's drink to destinations," Rose said, raising her glass. Alice and Bella looked at their glasses of orange juice and sighed.

"Destinations" they both agreed and sipped down their daily dose of Vitamin C.

The End


End file.
